Ten Questions Tuesday with Karen Schindler

Today Miscellaneous Yammering is pleased, proud and somewhat schizophrenically presenting the lovely and talented, always smiling, very funny and extremely leggy Karen Schindler for your amusement.

Karen is a magical creature who spends her days writing and her nights healing trees and little woodland creatures in the forests surrounding her tiny cottage near the lake.

We'll have to wait a minute or two until the birds finish dressing her and then we'll get started with Ten Questions Tuesday.

MY: Good morning Karen, thank you for taking the time to come in and answer the questions provided by your minions.

K: Oh, you know me, anything for the fans, and besides I LOVE to talk about myself. Yammer yammer yammer, that's me. And the EGO, don't even get me started….

MY: Well then today should be a piece of cake for you. I really like the cape you're wearing, what's it made of?

K: That would be Peruvian mink oil. It's very rare. And in its natural form quite poisonous. But I have some monks in an undisclosed location who press it over and over until all the oil is actually gone, then they inject the oil essence into some cotton wool and dye it dark blue and weave it into clothing for me. I only wear blue or green. It makes life simpler. I'm a simple girl at heart. And I like to live simply. That's why I never wear underwear.

MY: Good to know. [wonders what the heck she's gotten herself into] Let's get started then with

TEN QUESTIONS FOR KAREN SCHINDLER

Estrella asks: What's your earliest memory?

K: Hi Estrella, well, I remember this long tunnel with a bright light, then watching this really long interesting movie, then a long tunnel with a bright light again and everything started over. Every time I think about it I get a feeling of déjà vous.

Lauren asks: What is the weirdest thing that you have thrown from a car window?

K: Hi Lauren, that would be belly button lint. Not my belly button lint of course, you need some tummy hair to capture belly button lint. It would have been a male partner's belly button lint. I threw it out the window right after it got caught on the tip of my tongue.

Lauren asks: What is the weirdest combination of things that you have ever eaten?

[wow, you can almost SEE the guy with the censor button sweating]

K: That would be oatmeal and cold spinach. Oh, no wait it would be crickets and chocolate. The cricket was dipped in chocolate and I ate it for extra credit in Biology. [sticks tongue delicately out at censor]

Maria asks: What do you typically like to do on a rainy day?

K: Hi Maria, well that depends on how hard it's raining. If it's a light rain I like to walk in it. If it's thunder and lightning type rain, I like to sit in a window with a cup of tea and watch it, if it's dreary days and days on end type of rain I like to either curl up in bed with a good book or a warm man.

Estrella asks: What's your favorite secret ingredient to cook with?

K: Well, I actually have three. Lemon pepper, dill, and my pinkie finger. One gives zip, one gives bite, and one gives sweetness to whatever I stir. [grins at the camera and the light goes 'ting' off of her pearly whites]

Maria asks: What was the last thing that you did that you never thought you would?

K: Without naming names, I guess it would be breaking off the ill fated affair I had with the ruler of a city in a parallel dimension. He was really really hot. And VERY bendy, but after a while his ministers pestering him every freakin day to spend more time ruling the city and less time swinging from the chandelier in his boardroom with me….well, it just got tiresome….

Maria asks: Do you think it is a good idea to share with a new lover stories of your past lovers?

K: Maria honey? Were you paying attention during the last answer? But seriously, I don't like to talk about past lovers. Usually what I do is just give someone I'm interested in bedding some of the erotica I've written…….it saves me from having to draw all of those pesky diagrams.

Estrella asks: What is the worst lie you've ever told?

K: No Officer, that is not my rocket launcher.

Maria asks: You have signed on to direct a romantic comedy. Who are your stars?

K: Wow, Maria, that's a great question and it almost made my head explode with possibilities. Well, for the sake of argument we'll say that I have an unlimited budget and a great script. We'll also pretend that I have the gene that allows me to direct. So the cast I would assemble would be Tom Hanks, Will Smith, Steve Martin, Paulo Costanzo, Taye Diggs, Tom Cavanaugh, Bonnie Hunt and Ellen DeGeneres. Bonnie would be a strong independent straight woman and Ellen would be her strong independent gay next door neighbor. Both would have a constant stream of admirers banging on their doors. That's as far as I got cause I got stuck in a loop when I realized that I could ask the male cast to show up naked for a steam room scene.

And finally,

Maria asks: If you had a job interview and were asked "If you were an animal, what kind of animal, other than human, would you be and why?" How would you answer that question?

K: With a power point presentation featuring the photos from the last full moon.

MY: Well Karen, that was certainly interesting, and we learned a lot about you today. At this time I'd like to present you with this lovely banner that your fans made you covered in sparkly hearts. For some reason I have a pounding headache, do you happen to have some aspirin?

K: Here. Take two. Wait! Don't take the blue one. Thanks for having me here today, it was fun. And thanks to all of the fans who showed up wearing their tiaras to wave their Miscellaneous Yammering rally towels at me as my helicopter arrived. I was just so touched.