Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Merrilee's Bare Bones Story

This story was generated from Merrilee's random list consisting of : Chardonnay, numbat, road train, eggs benedict, magenta silk, wedding ring, two old newspapers, a tin cup and Disco's greatest hits.

Just another night in tight jeans

I don't know how straight male truckers get by on the amount of sleep we live on without "It's raining men" blasting in their cabs in the wee hours of the morning.

I know that I would have plowed this road train into a couple of mountains by now if I didn't own Disco's greatest hits. When my eyes start to droop I just crank up the Weather Girls, channel my inner gay boy from the eighties, and sing my imaginary, flamboyant, magenta silk covered heart out.

It keeps me awake long enough to get to the next greasy spoon.

Speaking of which, I could see the lights from Sal's up ahead. And not a minute too soon. I was starved and really in need of a bathroom. I wanted the bathroom to be followed in short order by a huge plate of eggs benedict served with a nice glass of dry chardonnay.

Since what I was pulling my rig into was a truck stop, not a cozy little bistro, what I would settle for is a semi clean bathroom, a greasy cup of coffee in a mug that might as well be a tin cup for all of the elegance it held and enough fat, grease and gristle to choke another couple of my arteries into oblivion.

For a truck stop, the semi clean bathroom all by itself would get it five stars. I liked Sal's and I like Sal. She's a pip. And she always has a story for me.

As I stepped out of the rig, two teens looked up and checked me out. I smiled at them and one smiled back while nudging the other.

They walked along behind me, apparently thinking that being sixteen also makes your conversations inaudible by anyone over the age of forty.

I didn't hear part of it, but the part I heard made me laugh to myself. The smiling one said something, and the other replied "No wedding ring, but dude, she's OLD. She does have a sweet little ass though."

I filtered the entire thing through the appropriate brain waves and took the good away from the encounter.

Smiling, I swung my sweet little ass into the door and saw Sal behind the counter talking to a big hairy yahoo in a ten gallon hat.

Sal looked up and grinned.

"Hey, Chelsea! You got one?"

"Yeah, 'we polka' - just saw it, didn't talk to them, but I think it speaks for itself. You got one?"

"Snouts."

"Nice. Back story?"

"You know it. I'll tell you while you eat. You want coffee?"

I nodded and went on into the ladies room. I took the grease pencil hanging on a string and added "we polka" to the wall.

Sal had been collecting vanity license plates for years. If you saw one and put it on the wall, you got a free fill up on your coffee. If you had a back story, real or made up, you got pie.

Sal made GREAT pie.

And truckers have a lot of time on their hands.

There were a lot of pretty wild tales floating around about some of the people who owned vanity license plates.

I did what I needed to do and went back out to the restaurant.

The big hairy dude had something sitting at his table perched on a couple of old newspapers.

As I got closer I thought that the something he had looked like a numbat. But then I decided it couldn't be a numbat.

They're protected under law since they're endangered.

But, no when I got right by his table, sure enough, it was a numbat.

He leered up at me and said, "Hey hot stuff. How are you tonight?"

I decided to ignore the hot stuff remark and asked him about the numbat. He explained to me that he was working on a plan to breed them and sell them to business owners to use as natural exterminators for cockroaches.

He said that Sal had asked him to wait while she looked over his proposal so she could give him a down payment.

Curiosity satisfied, I disengaged figuring Sal had called the cops by now on this looney toon, since a) he had an illegal protected animal, b) numbats only eat termites, and c) she didn't suffer fools gladly, especially big dumb hairy ones trying to part her from her hard earned cash.

I sidled on past him, retrieved my coffee from the counter and got a booth in the back out of his line of sight.

I did have a great view of the parking lot though, and I grinned when I saw the cops arrive and leave shortly thereafter with the protesting numbnut in cuffs, the numbat in a big have a heart carrier.

Sal came with my refill, took my order and gave me a paperback to read while I waited.

She came back with my food and told me the back story to "snouts."

Apparently the couple who owned the plate raised pot bellied pigs and in their house on any given day there were snouts and arseholes as far as the eye could see.

But arseholes was already taken.

I enjoyed that idea, my food and my conversation with Sal.

Full and empty in the right proportions, I hauled my rig back out onto the open road, Weather Girls raining men all the way……

8 comments:

Merrilee said...

Oh my god I love it. Fabulous! *wild clapping* Chelsea is a gal with a history and I would love to know more :)

Karen from Mentor said...

Hey Merrilee,
I was just about to send you a note saying that your story was up and I saw that you had already TWEETED it! Then I came in to the blog and saw what you had commented....lol...
I'm delighted NO END
(no end=infinity) at how excited you are about the story.
Yeah, I liked Chelsea too, can see her as fodder for a lot more stories....
Thanks for the lovely *wild clapping*

Hugs!
Karen :0)

mdvelazquez said...

Standing ovation. Great job, Karen!

Lauren C said...

Too fun. And reminded me of a trucker documentary I watched for a class, called Big Rig, which was all about the trucker's experience on the road... featured a couple lady truckers. it was pretty neat!
I had to Wiki the numbat. And promptly said "Squee!" at the cuuuuteness of it.

Karen from Mentor said...

Morning Lauren honey,
I had to Wiki numbat, road train AND Chardonnay, the first two cause they're australian slanted words, the third cause I don't know nothin about birthin no babies...oh no, wait, cause I know NOTHING about wine.

And Squee! is a great word for numbats. Man they're cute.

:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Maria!
[feels warm and fuzzy]

goes off to conquer the world.

(or load the dishwasher...whichever comes first)

:0)

judy said...

I googled numbat. (Googled vs. wiki, because I only looked at the pictures. Google images. God forbit I learn something.) Love the numbnut, numbat line! Good job, Karen. You rock the random 10 words story. (Seems like that should be a career option, doesn't it?)

Karen from Mentor said...

Yes Judy,
I think that that should be an option too.
Anybody out there want to hire me to write stories from randomly generated lists?

anybody????

.....I'll wait....but I'll keep writing while I wait....

I was pretty pleased by the numbnut,numbat line too....
[Judy? Does all this praise make my head look big? cause my tiara feels tight]

:0)