Saturday, December 26, 2009

A Bit of Black Comedy

I do have a dark side. A deep down, bloody-clawed, dribbly-fanged dark side. I keep it locked in my sock drawer.

In the holiday season sometimes things can look a bit bleak. So I wanted to take a dark moment and turn that frown upsidedown. What follows is a list of the #1 good reason not to commit suicide depending upon your personality type:

-OCD: What if you forgot to turn off the iron?

-Driven by guilt: Who'll clean up the mess?

-Procrastinator: It can always get worse, wait for tomorrow

-Control Freak: People will touch all your stuff


 

Yes, this was written and posted by me, the sparkly happy go lucky Karen…..but as a word of explanation….. I AM operating on little to no sleep. My upstairs neighbors got a drum kit for Christmas and it's set up DIRECTLY over my bed.

For all the devious minded folks who read me…..I'm taking suggestions for untraceable poisons….not ones that KILL mind you…..just ones that make the hands not be able to hold drumsticks after oh say…… 11:00pm.

17 comments:

Cat Connor said...

Let me consult my writer's guide to poisons. Okay so - these all work rather quickly, but a small dose should shut the drums up not kill - maybe... Cottonmouth venom, Phenergan, Dalmane, Thorazine, valium,Mandrake, Quaalude, sodium fluoroacetate... need more? LOL there are literally hundreds of natural and man-made poisons that can be toyed with here!!

Or - you could snap his freaking drum sticks.

Personally I would use Special K in an DMSO cream and cover those drum sticks so he absorbs it. Put it on the door handle to his room and the bathroom too - just to make sure And say goodnight. :-)

Karen from Mentor said...

Don't know how I'd get in their bathroom Cat....but Mandrake sounds promising.....

I just realized that actually I should hope that A) The drumkit was a gift for a grandkid and will leave when the grandkids do.....
and B) That no one in their apartment actually has harm befall them since I just publicly called for suggestions...lol

judy said...

Okay, I was going to suggest iocane powder until you stiuplated no harm. I'm thinking earplugs? Apartment dwellers really should not be allowed drum kits. (I'd invite you over here, but Chad got a sax for Christmas. And, oh. Did I mention, he doesn't play?)

Weezel said...

I'd opt for "Gorilla Glue!" Glue those effing drumsticks right to the wall!

Rougeneck said...

I'm an OCD Control Freak with a penchant for procrastination and a tremendous sense of guilt (I'm Jewish after all). You've successfully stopped me from committing suicide 4x over. MWAH Sugar! xo and Happy Holidays!!!!

Karen from Mentor said...

Hey CG! Good to know that my black comedy public service announcement did some good.

Looking forward to your new site in the new year.

Hugs and smooches Darlin.
Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

OOhhh Gorilla Glue Weezel....now THERE'S an idea....

:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Poor Judy. But I'm thinking Chad learning to play his new Sax will be much much harder on Lexi. Dog's are notoriously famous for being sensitive to "unusual" noises.

Quick run out and buy him lessons to go with the SAX... preferably with a teacher who instructs at HIS/HER house, not yours....

:0)

estrella05azul said...

I think simple is the way to go, no need to complicate things:
have a pizza delivered with an extra topping of laxatives :D Evil disguised in kindness, you can't go wrong with that!

Karen from Mentor said...

OH MY Estrella, that is such an EVIL plan that you HAD to have been holding a white cat and stroking it while you hatched it.

I LIKE it.....simple...but effective....

:0)

estrella05azul said...

You're wrong... it was a black cat lol

Karen from Mentor said...

Ah that's probably why it was a SIMPLE evil plan. Basic black...never goes out of style...and covers most contingencies....

estrella05azul said...

See, now you got it! :) lol

AstonWest said...

Buy a game system, buy a good shooter game like Call of Duty or something, turn up the volume to the max (wear earplugs) and go to town. When they complain, offer a trade...

:-)

Karen from Mentor said...

Aston that would be a GREAT idea if only they could hear it over all the games they have that explode already.....

:0)

AstonWest said...

If nothing else, put a little Ex-lax in some homemade chocolate candy. ;-)

Karen from Mentor said...

You and Estrella are thinking along the same lines Aston.

LUCKILY....the drumkit went home with the grandchild.

*happy sigh*

to sleep...perchance to dream.....