Today Miscellaneous Yammering is THRILLED to present the lovely and talented, big hearted, vastly imaginative, wildly sexy, wickedly funny, all around fine humanitarian and fellow Friday Flasher author Laura Eno of A Shift in Dimensions. Laura is a multi faceted person and is very entertaining to talk with because you just never know what to expect from her.
[K sotto voice to crew…she did surrender THE FLAMING SWORD OF DEATH and sign the paper that says everyone gets out alive, right?]
[K to audience]…I think Laura Eno is the best thing since sliced bread. And if you need some bread sliced she has that FLAMING SWORD OF DEATH....so she can make toast at the same time....
So audience let's quit cowering behind our seats and put our hands together while frantically waving any holy items that we may have secreted about our person to give a big Miscellaneous Yammering welcome to Laura Eno!
K: Wow Laura, great outfit! You look awesome. Killer boots. And the bustier thing? It's sooo working for you. I really like that necklace arm band jewelry thing you have wrapped around your neck and bicep. It seems to change color as it …..HEY! GEEZ… I think it just tasted me…….[scoots chair back a little bit]
L: That's Jezebel. She's just letting you know that we're honored to be invited here today. I think she really likes you, Karen. See her little tongue sticking out? If you scratch her behind the tentacles, she'll glow purple and undulate.
K: Maybe after the interview….Can I get you anything else or are you fine with whatever that is steaming in that jewel encrusted goblet that you're drinking from?
L: I'm fine, thanks. Would you like a sip? I can call 911 if it doesn't agree with you.
K: No um…thanks though…..well, ok then it looks like we're all set and if everyone is done reciting all the prayers they might know let's jump right in to:
TEN QUESTIONS WITH LAURA ENO
L: I don't have a problem switching back and forth anymore, especially after fleeing moving to another state. I've learned that bloodlust doesn't sit well with the PTA. They have no sense of humor. If they call though, don't tell them you've seen me.
K: You have both a cat and a significant other. Would you go so far as to say that either one is your muse……or maybe your familiar?
L: Well, my significant other is very familiar with me – oh, that's not what you meant, is it. I can't say that my husband has any influence on my writing; in fact, he often hides in another room while I dream up stories. And if he mentions that nasty incident with my Sword, it was just an accident. Really. My cats do qualify as both muse and familiar. It's only their rightful heritage, don't you think? By the way, you might want to move back a bit farther, Karen. Jezebel is turning red, and that's never a good sign.
K: Laura, like me you are prone to flights of fancy. Has that tendency ever resulted in legal charges of any kind?
L: There was the time…oh, five… or was it six years ago? No, still bound by the Statute of Limitations on that one….. can't talk about that one. Oh! There was this other really funny time that I think the audience would really appreciate…oh no....wait……your audience is mostly human right? …hmm. No, maybe not that one…... So, you really like my boots, huh?
K: Did you have imaginary friends as a child?
L: Yes, I did. It was only later that I found out that they weren't really imaginary. I mean, imaginary friends don't scream when burned, do they? I was rather shocked, actually, and gave up on the whole idea of anything being imaginary after that.
K: If you found yourself lost in a forest, what would be the first thing that you'd do?
L: Tie some vines together and lasso the first tiger that walked by to ride him out of there. If none presented itself, I'd find any likely nearby cottage where a seemingly innocent old woman dressed all in black and possessing a hooked nose with a wart on the end lived. She'd of course be COMPLETELY misunderstood by the villagers. We have a nice chat, some tea, maybe trade some spells.
K: If you had to name the one thing that you would never give up unless your life depended on it, what would it be?
L: The skull sitting on the shelf in my office. His ruby eyes glow at night and he speaks to me. He's very supportive. I don't know what I'd do without Mr. Fluffy to give me direction.
K: Time travel makes my eyes bleed. Both in actuality and in fiction. Have you ever been tempted to write about [or experience] time travel?
L: Of course! I, myself, have been a time traveler in the guise of a two-headed dragon. The paradox can be wonderful to witness – messy, but wonderful. I also wrote a story called "Timing is Everything" that deals with time travel as a form of execution.
K: I've read quite a bit of your flash fiction. You seem to come up with a lot of creative ways to kill people. What kind of research do you do to get ideas?
L: Research? Why would I need research? Are you saying that other people don't naturally have 1,001 ways to kill floating around in their head at all times? How boring for them.
K: Favorite pastime, favorite animal, favorite book or movie, favorite object, favorite mode of transportation?
L: Favorite pastime would have to be polishing THE FLAMING SWORD OF DEATH. We use polishing time to reminisce about all the good kills, and of course to make the new notches. Favorite animal, besides Jezebel here, would be scorpions. They count as an animal, don't they? Favorite movie would still be the original Star Wars. I have a serious case of lust for Han Solo. Favorite object, besides my Sword and the aforementioned skull, would be my Transmutation Belt which I use solely for time travel purposes and not for anything else that I have "allegedly" done. Favorite mode of transportation is a Pterodactyl. I'll bet you didn't know that not only do they have an amazing amount of legroom a Pterodactyl can go from 0 – 300mph in 2.3 seconds. A Pterodactyl also comes with a handy built in special fireproof pouch/pocket for my Sword.
K: What are the best three lines of dialog that you have EVER heard, read or written?
L: I'm partial to Disney quotes, with my own embellishments of course. [Confers with Jezebel] Oh, yes, that's a good one.
"It's hard to see anything when you're being ****ing barbecued."
"It's a small ****ing underworld after all."
"I'm a big tough girl. I tie my own ****ing sandals and everything."
K: Thank you so much Laura for coming in to play with me today. To thank you for playing and also for not killing a SINGLE member of our studio audience I'd like to present you with this commemorative Miscellaneous Yammering lead lined metal box for storing your FLAMING SWORD OF DEATH in while you sleep. That way you won't have to keep replacing the drapes and carpet in your bedroom.
L: Thank you, Karen. It's been a real pleasure to be here. A lead lined box is such a thoughtful gift… I am rather partial to my current set of drapes so this will solve the ****ing problem of my Sword having to sleep in the refrigerator……the butter goes rancid so very quickly.