Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Ten Questions Tuesday with Laura Eno

Today Miscellaneous Yammering is THRILLED to present the lovely and talented, big hearted, vastly imaginative, wildly sexy, wickedly funny, all around fine humanitarian and fellow Friday Flasher author Laura Eno of A Shift in Dimensions. Laura is a multi faceted person and is very entertaining to talk with because you just never know what to expect from her.

[K sotto voice to crew…she did surrender THE FLAMING SWORD OF DEATH and sign the paper that says everyone gets out alive, right?]

[K to audience]…I think Laura Eno is the best thing since sliced bread. And if you need some bread sliced she has that FLAMING SWORD OF DEATH....so she can make toast at the same time....

So audience let's quit cowering behind our seats and put our hands together while frantically waving any holy items that we may have secreted about our person to give a big Miscellaneous Yammering welcome to Laura Eno!

K: Wow Laura, great outfit! You look awesome. Killer boots. And the bustier thing? It's sooo working for you. I really like that necklace arm band jewelry thing you have wrapped around your neck and bicep. It seems to change color as it …..HEY! GEEZ… I think it just tasted me…….[scoots chair back a little bit]

L: That's Jezebel. She's just letting you know that we're honored to be invited here today. I think she really likes you, Karen. See her little tongue sticking out? If you scratch her behind the tentacles, she'll glow purple and undulate.

K: Maybe after the interview….Can I get you anything else or are you fine with whatever that is steaming in that jewel encrusted goblet that you're drinking from?

L: I'm fine, thanks. Would you like a sip? I can call 911 if it doesn't agree with you.

K: No um…thanks though…..well, ok then it looks like we're all set and if everyone is done reciting all the prayers they might know let's jump right in to:

TEN QUESTIONS WITH LAURA ENO

K: Laura you're affectionately known in our #fridayflash circle as "The Queen of the Body Count," yet you also write young adult and [not for teens] paranormal romance novels. Do you ever have to curb your bloodlust when writing for the younger set?

L: I don't have a problem switching back and forth anymore, especially after fleeing moving to another state. I've learned that bloodlust doesn't sit well with the PTA. They have no sense of humor. If they call though, don't tell them you've seen me.

K: You have both a cat and a significant other. Would you go so far as to say that either one is your muse……or maybe your familiar?

L: Well, my significant other is very familiar with me – oh, that's not what you meant, is it. I can't say that my husband has any influence on my writing; in fact, he often hides in another room while I dream up stories. And if he mentions that nasty incident with my Sword, it was just an accident. Really. My cats do qualify as both muse and familiar. It's only their rightful heritage, don't you think? By the way, you might want to move back a bit farther, Karen. Jezebel is turning red, and that's never a good sign.

K: Laura, like me you are prone to flights of fancy. Has that tendency ever resulted in legal charges of any kind?

L: There was the time…oh, five… or was it six years ago? No, still bound by the Statute of Limitations on that one….. can't talk about that one. Oh! There was this other really funny time that I think the audience would really appreciate…oh no....wait……your audience is mostly human right? …hmm. No, maybe not that one…... So, you really like my boots, huh?

K: Did you have imaginary friends as a child?

L: Yes, I did. It was only later that I found out that they weren't really imaginary. I mean, imaginary friends don't scream when burned, do they? I was rather shocked, actually, and gave up on the whole idea of anything being imaginary after that.

K: If you found yourself lost in a forest, what would be the first thing that you'd do?

L: Tie some vines together and lasso the first tiger that walked by to ride him out of there. If none presented itself, I'd find any likely nearby cottage where a seemingly innocent old woman dressed all in black and possessing a hooked nose with a wart on the end lived. She'd of course be COMPLETELY misunderstood by the villagers. We have a nice chat, some tea, maybe trade some spells.

K: If you had to name the one thing that you would never give up unless your life depended on it, what would it be?

L: The skull sitting on the shelf in my office. His ruby eyes glow at night and he speaks to me. He's very supportive. I don't know what I'd do without Mr. Fluffy to give me direction.

K: Time travel makes my eyes bleed. Both in actuality and in fiction. Have you ever been tempted to write about [or experience] time travel?

L: Of course! I, myself, have been a time traveler in the guise of a two-headed dragon. The paradox can be wonderful to witness – messy, but wonderful. I also wrote a story called "Timing is Everything" that deals with time travel as a form of execution.

K: I've read quite a bit of your flash fiction. You seem to come up with a lot of creative ways to kill people. What kind of research do you do to get ideas?

L: Research? Why would I need research? Are you saying that other people don't naturally have 1,001 ways to kill floating around in their head at all times? How boring for them.

K: Favorite pastime, favorite animal, favorite book or movie, favorite object, favorite mode of transportation?

L: Favorite pastime would have to be polishing THE FLAMING SWORD OF DEATH. We use polishing time to reminisce about all the good kills, and of course to make the new notches. Favorite animal, besides Jezebel here, would be scorpions. They count as an animal, don't they? Favorite movie would still be the original Star Wars. I have a serious case of lust for Han Solo. Favorite object, besides my Sword and the aforementioned skull, would be my Transmutation Belt which I use solely for time travel purposes and not for anything else that I have "allegedly" done. Favorite mode of transportation is a Pterodactyl. I'll bet you didn't know that not only do they have an amazing amount of legroom a Pterodactyl can go from 0 – 300mph in 2.3 seconds. A Pterodactyl also comes with a handy built in special fireproof pouch/pocket for my Sword.

And finally:

K: What are the best three lines of dialog that you have EVER heard, read or written?

L: I'm partial to Disney quotes, with my own embellishments of course. [Confers with Jezebel] Oh, yes, that's a good one.

"It's hard to see anything when you're being ****ing barbecued."

"It's a small ****ing underworld after all."

"I'm a big tough girl. I tie my own ****ing sandals and everything."

K: Thank you so much Laura for coming in to play with me today. To thank you for playing and also for not killing a SINGLE member of our studio audience I'd like to present you with this commemorative Miscellaneous Yammering lead lined metal box for storing your FLAMING SWORD OF DEATH in while you sleep. That way you won't have to keep replacing the drapes and carpet in your bedroom.

L: Thank you, Karen. It's been a real pleasure to be here. A lead lined box is such a thoughtful gift… I am rather partial to my current set of drapes so this will solve the ****ing problem of my Sword having to sleep in the refrigerator……the butter goes rancid so very quickly.


You can see more of Laura's work here, and you can buy her books here.

64 comments:

Alan said...

I want to part with both of you. And Jezebel, of course. My place or yours? I have a crystal cavern with excellent acoustics.

Michelle said...

ah ha - thanks Laura and Karen!

Carrie said...

Funny! I loved this. :)

Chance said...

The ideas great,
the content and interview great.

but I got to say and I hope you don't mind me saying it, I think its being let down in the formatting. It looks all a bit to much squashed and messy on the eyes.

As a suggestion, maybe change it so the questions are bold, slightly different font size perhaps?

If you did the above you could then get rid of the k: and L: at the start of each block as it would be a bit more cleaner.

I also feel the intro needs trimming down slightly. The main bulk of our interest is in the interview, we want to get to that.

Sam said...

Simply the best author interview I have ever read.

Was that OK? Can you put the Sword down now, my hair's beginning to smoke!

Marisa Birns said...

I'm moving away from Sam because his smoking hair is making me cough too much!

Anyway, you guys, this was very funny AND informative. I learned so much about Laura and am further amazed by her ****ing awesomeness!

Emma Newman said...

Oh this is so wonderful and so refreshing to read! Thank you. I'm with you on the Han Solo thing Laura... but seeing as you have the flaming sword and talent for death, I'll let you have him and take Indy instead ;o)

P.S. Regards to Mr Fluffy.

Karen from Mentor said...

Sorry I took so long to get back to you guys...there was a little "incident" with Jezebel backstage as Laura was exiting......

The paramedics say that they'll probably make it....

Karen from Mentor said...

Hi Emma!
Welcome to my little corner of the world. Thanks for coming in to see what Laura had to say today.

Laura was a hoot to work with. And although I didn't get to meet Mr. Fluffy in person, Laura had those cute little snapshots of him sitting on Santa's lap in her wallet, so I understand you sending your regards.

Karen from Mentor said...

Sam if you stand slightly to her left and behind her while bending down a bit... she has a blind spot..... and after a minute or two [if you're stealthy, mind you] you can flee.

Thanks for stopping in. Sorry about your hair.

:0)

estrella05azul said...

That was great! I love you both separately too, and together... hilarious!!! lol

PS: Laura, I have two stupid roommates...
I know exactly what you mean by 1,001 ways to kill. And they idea count grows daily.
(Just don't tell them that I admitted to this here, okay? Probably not a good idea for them to see it in writing...)

Karen from Mentor said...

*I* was amazed by her sailor-like potty mouth Marisa, but hey, since she has TFSOD I certainly wasn't going to ask her to put a quarter in the swearing jar.....

nope. not me.
:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Michelle and Carrie,

Thanks for stopping in guys! tQt has been a regular feature since the blog started and in that time I've amassed a surprisingly eclectic group of interviewees.

Each interviewee makes each interview a pleasure in its own way. And Laura was certainly a good sport for this one.

So glad you enjoyed it!

Karen :0)

shannon esposito said...

omg, you two together are hot!!!! And I loved the intro, don't touch it. Now Laura's awesomeness is seared into my brain forever! (or is my hair on fire, too???)

Laura Eno said...

Who ****ing swears? Not me. Might have been Jezebel...

Karen from Mentor said...

Oh Laura luv, thanks so much for playing with me. I had such fun!

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks for voting for the long intro Shannon, cause otherwise I couldn't have made the joke about the toast...and that one KILLS me....
[yes I know you shouldn't laugh at your own gags] Laura is awesome. And she let me take some pics of her outfit....OMG I think they need a plain brown wrapper.....



I must say Chance that I never expected anyone to CRITIQUE a tQt. SO THAT MUST MEAN IT'S ART!!!! [does a happy dance]

I have noted your points and just want to let you know that the long intro is a style thing. Much like the long winded bloke in the Adventurer's club. Thanks for stopping in. Glad you enjoyed the content. We had a blast doing it.
Karen :

Karen from Mentor said...

Hey Alan, I can't speak for Laura, cuz you know she has the sword and all....so nobody does that...not TWICE anyway....but I would party with you in your crystal cave.....

Laura?

Karen from Mentor said...

*hatches evil plan* So Estrella, just how badly do you want to keep your murderous thoughts from your roommate? Enough to say...oh...I don't know...bake me one of your yummy banana breads???? hmmmmmm?

estrella05azul said...

If you can let me in on how to send them over without soiling... sure :) (Only, I've never made banana bread. I make muffins with banana. But if you want banana bread, I can try :) )

estrella05azul said...

Correction *spoiling...
Oh, and if you want muffins, I'll send you my fiancé's portion :P

Karen from Mentor said...

Maybe just post the recipe and photos then.

[and I just have to say soiling was much funnier]

:0)

estrella05azul said...

Yeah, sorry to disappoint then with the correction :P

And I'm waaay ahead:
you can find the recipe for the banana & chocolate chip recipe here http://bit.ly/4netRG on my blog :)

Helen Ginger said...

A definitely entertaining interview. Also... explains a lot.

Helen
Straight From Hel

Erin Cole said...

Probably the best ***king interview I've read in a really, really long time.

Cat Connor said...

Just the thing to read while drinking my FIRST coffee of the day - my sparkly frogged coffee went all over!!!

Weezel said...

Okay this interview was ****ing hilarious . . . also there's a recipe for **** ing banana bread on my cooking blog: http://whats-cooking-louise.blogspot.com/search/label/banana%20bread
However . . . don't blame me if you waste away like a rotten banana after eating . . . Oh wait, no, that's on my fiction blog! Sorry.

Annmarie said...

Can I take Jezebel to my next PTA meeting? PLEASE???

Karen from Mentor said...

I'll have to let Laura answer that for you Annmarie, but be forewarned...she dribbles a bit...and the drops eat through the carpet...

Karen from Mentor said...

Ah...Cat...Cat...Cat...you should KNOW better than to drink coffee whilst reading a tQt...it was the disney quotes wasn't it? Or the bit about the skull....either one would have made me spew coffee....

[thanks for stopping in hon]

:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Helen...it DOES explain a lot :0)

@ Erin...there was no actual .....um...nevermind...

@ Weezel...Flaming Swords of Death, undulating pets, talking skulls AND banana bread....wow, it's been a full day....

Barry J. Northern said...

This is hilarious, made me laugh too many times to mention.

Laurita said...

Best. Interview. Ever.

J. M. Strother said...

This would make a terrific #fridayflash, 'cept those are supposed to be fiction. For public saftey purposes we may have to get a court order to keep you two separated. Great interview.
~jon

jodicleghorn said...

This is my first time here (thanks for the tweet about this Jon).

****ing hillarious. Unlike Cat Connor I haven't brewed my first one for the day and thus avoided being burnt by rapid unpredictable movement of torso and hands in response to the text.

I soooooooo want to read more of your work now Laura. My first intro to your work as the Spiderman Flash Fiction and those bloody birds from Christmas and the decorations still haunt me.

Awesome interview. I think I'll add this to something I want to do before I die. Brilliant concept Karen :) Shall be stopping in here on a regular basis.

Alan said...

Sweet. Laura?

Laura Eno said...

I want to thank Karen for having me on her show. It was a ****ing blast!
Thank you all for your ****ing awesome comments as well.
@Annmarie - Jezebel doesn't do PTA meetings anymore, sorry. The last one she attended got really...messy.
@Alan - I'm sure you meant to complete that sentence with 'Laura? Yes she is sweet.' Some emergency must have pulled you away from the keyboard right then. Right, Alan?

Laura Eno said...

@Alan - I fell asleep between your first and second post. Crystal cavern? Jezebel and I are knocking at your door.

Michael Solender said...

You guys kill me..oh wait Llaura..I didn't mean that really I was just..Laura.. I was just kiddi..

Karen from Mentor said...

Poor Michael...symantics are VERY important when conversing with Laura...you're all witnesses....she just complied with his request...*sigh* he'll be missed for #fridayflash.

Karen from Mentor said...

jodi, I'm glad you stopped in and I look forward to each of your subsequent visits.

We have a lot of fun around here. And most of it is legal....

at least in Ohio...

:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Barry and Laurita thanks so much for stopping in guys. Glad you enjoyed it.

And Jon? We only physically appear in the same room once in a blue moon. The magic circles have more potency then......

~Tim said...

I would like some toast, please.

Oh, and you two are ****ing DANGEROUS together! Which is just one of the many things I like about you.

Alan W. Davidson said...

Laura, I agree with so many of the others that the interview was ****ing awesome! You and Karen should be doing a regular comedy shtick together.

Draco Torre said...

Ahh... isn't Jezebel cute? Just keep those tentacles away from me.

Sheila Deeth said...

Fun. Now I'm going to follow the links. I want to know more about your books Laura.

Karen from Mentor said...

Sheila I'll do my Arsenio impression here and say "I haven't read Laura's books, but my people tell me that they're great."

I have read her short fiction and it's awesome. If you seek it out you will find yourself being quite entertained by Laura's very interesting mind.

I know I always am.

Thanks for stopping in.

Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Alan Davidson we're working up an act for Vegas.....

@ David Laura has some signed 8x10 glossies of Jezebel in the back. Leave a sase and we'll mail you one....

@ Tim With or without butter?

Thanks for stopping in guys!

Chris Chartrand said...

Awesome interview. I'm such a fan of both of your work so this was an extra treat.

I kind of feel wierd leaving a comment for the two of you without saying something like: 'wickedly clever' or 'nice twist' or 'didn't see that one coming'

Karen from Mentor said...

And of course the comment on our flash that we hear the most and have been known to say to one another "Ewww...that was twisted...but in a good way"

Thanks a lot for stopping in Chris.

We had a LOT of fun collaborating on this. Laura is a hoot and a half to work with.
:0)

Laura Eno said...

You guys are all so wonderful! Even Jezebel is leaking a tear - I think that's what that wet spot is...
Fabulous comments!

AJ Campos said...

Here's one of my favorite Disney quotes,

"Always let your ****** conscience be your guide." - ****** Pinocchio

LOL great post! AJC

Karen from Mentor said...

That pinocchio he had SUCH a potty mouth....

Thanks so much for stopping in AJ...I didn't even know you knew where I lived.

:0)

KjM said...

Oh, this was a FUN way to begin a day. Well done to both of you.

I have all sorts of visions dancing in my head - not of sugarplums, but of Jezebel (I may never sleep again!)

Great interview, you two have a great comic talent.

Paul D. Brazill said...

Splendid interview with a splendid writer.

Anne Tyler Lord said...

Where is my ****ing comment, Jezebel, did you take it! I had clever things written in it, but now you will never see it, my short term memory is gone.

I think this is the most brilliant interview - EVER! You both have such twisted minds that it should be illegal to put you too in a room together.

I really want to meet Mr. Fluffy, but not those other two. At least he only glares.

That was truly GREAT entertainment!

Laura Eno said...

Anne - Jezebel apologizes (sort of) for eating your last comment. She thought it was tasty.

Jon already took legal action to keep Karen and me apart, so no worries.

Mr Fluffy does more than glare, he practices mind control as well...

Cynthia Schuerr said...

Karen, thank you for doing this interview with Laura. I enjoy both of you, and your writings, so very much.

I learned so much more about Laura from this post, If I send her a scorpion as a gift, she will be my BFF. And, though our writing styles are a bit (ahem) different, I love her way with words. She is f---ing brilliant.

Thanks again,
Cynthia

Laura Eno said...

Cynthia - They are Jezebel's favorite snack...how do you feel about being BFF's with her?

Cynthia Schuerr said...

Ha Ha! If she promises not to lick me, I would give her a scratch behind her tentacles, for sure.

Laura Eno said...

Paul - Thank you for the kind words. Mr Fluffy wrote the interview so I must give him credit. No telling what subliminal messages he put in this though. Let me know if you get any *strange* cravings, will ya?

Laura Eno said...

Oh, Cynthia, she's shivering with delight! No promises on the licking thing though...

Karen from Mentor said...

*waits a minute to see if the flurry about Jezebel is over*
.....ok....giggling...Kevin thanks so much for stopping in...glad we could give you a giggle early in the morning...

And Cynthia? I think you should interview Laura next.... [just wear armour...I learned my lesson]

She's already agreed to come back in a year to do a tQt "where are they now" segment....

SWEET!
I hope she brings MR.FLUFFY....

:0)

Anne Tyler Lord said...

good, I'm glad it was Jezebel who ate my comment and not my own problems of leaving a website before entering the security code verification.

I have felt the mind control of Mr. Fluffy on a few occasions - he writes some of your Tweets, doesn't he.