Friday, February 26, 2010

Good clean fun --flash fiction

Right in the middle of my very meager and very late night dinner the intercom buzzer went off. It's so loud that even when I'm expecting it the damn thing nearly scares me to death. Well, if I could die from a heart attack, it might scare me to death. I walked over and pushed the talk button:

"Who is it?"

"Marcus"

"Marcus, what the hell are you doing here at this hour?"

"I have to see you. It's an emergency."

"Are you bleeding or is there a bone sticking out of you somewhere? Because that's an emergency at 2:00am, but as far as I'm concerned nothing much else is."

"I've been thinking about you all day and I just have to see you."

Ah. A booty call by a twenty five year old in the middle of the night. That's all I need. I'd have to change, shower, put some makeup on, what a pain. But then my appetites and an idea hit me at the very same time. Marcus is a succulent Italian dish and it had been a while.

"Ok, I'll buzz you in, but I have to hop in the shower, so you just come in and have a beer and wait while I get freshened up."

I buzzed him into the lobby and left my door open a crack. I'd have a minute or so before he got up the stairs. I scurried into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

I hid in the closet where I could look out through the slats to see if he came into the bathroom. About a minute later he came into the room on tippy toes. He stripped, and crept toward the shower. Just as his hand made contact with the curtain I bounded out of the closet and caught him by the neck in my jaws and around his taut middle with my claws.

His eyes widened as he saw me, then all the blood left his face as I dragged him into the shower. It's so handy when they take their clothes off first, then there's no need to spit up the zippers and buttons afterwards.

As it turned out having dinner in the shower was very convenient since all of the fluid splatter just went right on down the drain. But even with the water running I was relieved that my shower curtain is plastic and easily rinsed down, because Marcus turned out to be even juicier than I thought and it always seems like any time I have Italian I just get it everywhere.




A link to the list of this week's 78 #fridayflash stories at Mad Utopia

49 comments:

Jen Brubacher said...

*snort!* Poor Marcus. Great twist!

Sulci Collective said...

Yes those particularly piquant Italian sauces. Fair's fair, he had knocked her up at 2am, well past the witching hour.

Did you mean 'taunt middle' or 'taut'?

Um, delicious, is all I can say!

marc nash

Anton Gully said...

Funny and unexpected but WHAT was she already eating?

Karen from Mentor said...

Really makes you wonder huh, Anton?
hee hee hee...

Karen from Mentor said...

Well, Marc, his belly button was known to be sarcastic, but I meant taut not taunt.... [thanks for the catch]

"knocked her up" made me laugh. We use that slightly differently here in the states.

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Jen! Nice to see you.

Karen :0)

Al Bruno III said...

Oh ho! Very nice. Great work.

(and for the record I also have a 'taunt' belly button. And wide child bearing hips...)

(I shared too much again didn't I?)

Laura Eno said...

Not having to spit up zippers and buttons is much more convenient. :) Loved this! Dining in the shower sounds so...clean.

Marisa Birns said...

Oh, haha, I really liked this!

Laughed so much at this: "Are you bleeding or is there a bone sticking out of you somewhere?"

And, gee, it turned out it counted as an emergency because there WAS a bone sticking out some...

Umm. That was not me who wrote that, Karen. Nope. It was the...dog.

Having Italian tonight as a matter of fact, but I'll stick to pasta aglio e olio.

Deanna Schrayer said...

YIKES! Poor Marcus, but he got what he deserved - the nerve of bothering her at such an hour!
Yes, good, clean fun!

Alan W. Davidson said...

I love that the 'she-beast' is worrie about the inconvenience of cleaning up. The talk of Italian is making me hungy...I think the "knocked-up" discussion is as funny as the story. I love cultural differences. Great job, Karen!

mazzz in Leeds said...

Nothing like a midnight feast when you weren't expecting it - and under running water too: bliss!

I too am having Italian tonight, but of the pesto and porcini mushroom variety

Eric J. Krause said...

Excellent story start to finish, but that last line just makes it. Great job!

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Eric, yours made me giggle today....

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Deanna, I was sooooo happy when I thought of that title. Previously it was "I brought beer"

hee hee hee

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Al...no..you didn't share too much...really.

@ Alan...I'm sure you meant to say almost as funny Alan, ALMOST....

@ Mazzz...my table holds four. Are you sharing?

Karen from Mentor said...

Marisa? In that third paragraph you're missing an "r"...... tsk tsk tsk...today is just a DAY of typos....

[grins at you]

Still laughing at you and Laura believing that I missed the pillow reference in her story.

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Laura.... You've got that right! Shoes are a pain too...and don't even get me STARTED on back hair getting caught in your fangs.

That idea was just explored at Chicken Soup for the Monster's Soul....
http://soup4monsters.blogspot.com/

G.P. Ching said...

yum, Italian. It's the garlic that makes them so juicy, thins the blood. Great story as always Karen!

John Wiswell said...

I knew it from "succulent" on. Her "appetites" are a clue. Good that she turned out to be so monstrous that she could capture him in her jaws. Maybe a were-crocodile?

Linda said...

I'd love to see what she does with japanese... Well played, and loads of fun. Peace, Linda

Alan W. Davidson said...

My mistake, Karen...ALMOST as good (he says, his Canadian showing... ;)

shannon said...

Oh, of course...must try that, dinner in the shower :-) he he Loved the zippers and button humor...imagining her gagging on a belt!

Anne Tyler Lord said...

Ewww, "fluid splatter!" Nice term for it.

So, sounds like she was asking about the bone sticking out and blood because she was hungry - Working up her appetite. Especially since she was eating a meager dinner - what was it, a mouse, dog?

Love how she was so scared of the buzzer!

Great flash!!

Kris said...

"...it always seems like when I have Italian I get it everywhere"?!?

GROAN! I'll never be able to hear someone make that comment again without thinking of you. I'm not sure whether or not that's a good thing...

You're amusing, as usual! Keep it up!

David G Shrock said...

Nice indeed when they strip first and come to the shower for clean-up. Munch-munch. Yum.

Cathy Olliffe said...

Re: Linda's comment... at the risk of sounding rascist, she must have been eating Chinese before Marcus knocked her up because she was hungry an hour later... I'M SORRY.. I COULDN'T RESIST..
Your story was a giggler, Karen!
I was, however, disappointed at the lack of booty in that booty call...oh, but that's a different website, sorry.

estrella05azul said...

Darn succulent Italian food. Good thing it was a healthy meal with no zippers and buttons... wonder how someone would order that? :P
Great flash Karen, really loved it :)

~Tim said...

I had to laugh at, "...there's no need to spit up the zippers and buttons afterwards." But you probably knew that.

Skycycler said...

Saucy!
Oh yes! Had me snorting into my spaghetti, Karen. Love how the killer was *in* the shower this time, great reversal and great story.
Simon.

Netta said...

How funny! Those tasty Italians...no one can eat just one. Heh.

Great job :)

Cascade Lily said...

You totally had me going on this one. Although I did notice the words 'succulent' and 'appetite', but, unlike John, I was too excited about the 'booty call' to put two and two together! I must get out more!

Michelle said...

loves it!!
great fun - well done :)

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Michelle, Thanks!

@ Estrella - carefully, very carefully.

@ David...yum indeed.

@ GP and John... "thins the blood" and "were-crocodile?"

hee hee hee...

And just for the record John, simple straight forward werewolf...[but cute and cuddly]

@ Netta Hey, a girl's gotta eat right?

@ Linda ...probably the same thing. Only maybe with sub titles.

Thanks so much for stopping in guys and taking the time to comment.

:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Alan you're forgiven.

@ Shannon, "imagine her gagging on a belt"...I hadn't , but now I am.

@ Tim, yes we always seem to like the same lines.

@ Simon OH! A reverse psycho shower scene...I didn't even THINK of that. I just wanted her not to have to go to the trouble of changing to get ready for her close up.

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Cathy and Lily....sorry to disappoint, there IS a prequel story...but you WILL NOT be seeing it posted here. I make my daughter's eyes bleed enough as it is.

@ Anne - Ewwww back! A mouse or a dog? Ewwww. No, it was a dried up slice of old pizza.
[probably]

Karen from Mentor said...

Kris said:
"...it always seems like when I have Italian I get it everywhere?!?

GROAN! I'll never be able to hear someone make that comment again without thinking of you. I'm not sure whether or not that's a good thing..."



Yay Kris!

I LOVE it when you can take an ordinary phrase and have someone say it in an unusual circumstance and make it mean entirely something else.

bwahahahahahahaha !!!!

[and sorry]

Laurita said...

This could have been quite messy, but I'm glad you kept it clean. Much more fun, and not so much clean up afterwards. :)

Jared Branch said...

Ha, those Italians can be awfully messy.

CJ Hodges MacFarlane said...

HA! I love this - got a little curious with "Well, if I could die from a heart attack, it might scare me to death." But the story just whisked me along merrily.. totally unprepared, but laughing at the ending. It's okay I laughed, right? heh

Amy J Taylor said...

Ha! Very good! I liked this a lot! :)

Karen from Mentor said...

CJ it's great that you laughed. I'm glad that you picked up on the "if I could die" part. I wanted to plant the not exactly human clue early on, but subtly. I just entered this into the lycanthrope contest at Flashes in the Dark. I'm looking forward to seeing if they take it.

Thank you for being "merrily unprepared" for the ending. That just made my day.

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Laurita & Jared? um...you both kinda say that like "been there done that"...should we be worried?

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Amy. Yay! Love it when I make you happy.


Thank you all so much for stopping in and taking the time to leave comments.

*happy sigh*

Tony Noland said...

This was great! I loved the line about spitting up zippers.

Melissa said...

Ha--I was excited about the booty call, too (I know NOTHING about this from life, of course--those early 20 yr olds...). Nice twist. Now where's my juicy Italian?

J. M. Strother said...

Not a lot of second dates with this gal, I presume. I do have to wonder, what with zippers and such causing digestive problems, what about the bones?
~jon

Karen from Mentor said...

Ah no Jon, they'd been out before, he was just unlucky in his timing. Young men and their urges and all...

Oh and about the bones/zippers? I asked. She said the bones aren't an issue, but the zippers tend to get stuck in her glabmil.

[And no, I didn't ask what a glabmil was]

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Melissa, I'll get right on that for you. Northern or Southern Italian? I've heard it makes a BIG difference in flavor.

@ Thanks Tony, it is quite a visual isn't it?

Thanks for taking the time to stop in and comment everybody!