Friday, September 10, 2010

Hardboiled ----Flash Fiction

Non smokers taste wonderful; clean and like soap, or salty with sweat from an honest day's work. A smoker tastes bitter, yellow nicotine oozing from every pore. His tongue, skin and cum all yellowish and sharp on the palate. But they're easier to catch, what with all that wheezing while running.

And afterwards, when you cut off his smoking hand and boil it in a pot, the water turns saffron, filling your lovely lair with the intoxicating reek of the addictive pacifier of the masses.

My landlady objects to the smell though, so sometimes I throw in a little tarragon.


 

38 comments:

Marisa Birns said...

I thought that being a non-smoker all my life would keep me alive a few years longer than smokers. But now I find that would make me tasty!

Can't win for trying.

Boiled hand? Just throw in a little more herbs, and maybe some chicken and noodles, and it just make really good soup a bubbe would give the mishpocheh to take care of a cold.

mazzz in Leeds said...

Well, I'm glad I'm a female smoker :-D

Tarragon's a good choice - we probably taste like chicken, after all!

Laura Eno said...

You don't need the chicken, just the noodles to make boiled hand soup.

Nice microfiction, Karen... bwahahaha!

Karen from Mentor said...

Why am I not surprised that Laura has a recipe for boiled hand soup?

I know I started it...but ew.

...laughing

Karen from Mentor said...

I think the nicotine, since it breaks down the immune system, would work against bubbe in the long run Marisa.

So funny that you didn't bat an eye at this.
I was rather horrified that I'd written it.

...more laughing...

Karen from Mentor said...

yes, Mazz, just like chicken.

Thanks guys for taking the time to comment. This one's going to be fun.
:0)

Helen Ginger said...

Add an onion and some noodles and you've got dinner. Invite the landlady over.

Creepy story!

shannon said...

OMG! I'm horrified that y'all are making me hungry!!!! LOL Gross little flash, love it!

Karen from Mentor said...

Laughing so hard at Shannon. Gross is good, I was going for horrific,but I just couldn't resist the grin at the end. Such fun to write a monster with a sense of humor.

Karen from Mentor said...

Have to wait until she puts on a few pounds Helen. These things must be done in their own proper season.....

hagelrat said...

LMAO. IT's a good day for cannibals. ;p

Karen from Mentor said...

Yes it is. Pretty sure the rule of thumb for consuming human flesh is ...any month with an "R" in it...or any day with a "Y"...

John Wiswell said...

I taste more like cheez-its and the worst Aquafresh. The worst part is I haven't even eaten cheez-its in months.

Laura Eno said...

It goes well with the cheesy eyeball appetizers too...

Valerie said...

Yes. That is all I have to say about that.

Karen from Mentor said...

I'm really looking forward to the day that someone finds my space by typing "John Wiswell tastes like cheez-its" into a search engine.

Ah...the simple things in life...

Karen from Mentor said...

But dreading the person who finds it by typing:
"cheesy eyeball appetizers"

Karen from Mentor said...

I think I agree with Valerie.

*waves* at Valerie. I'm going for a walk now to get those images out of my brain.

Deanna Schrayer said...

Certainly makes one think twice about lighting up Karen! Great, tight work!

And I gave Laura that eyeball appetizer recipe, so don't let her go making you think it's hers. ;)

Laura Eno said...

Deanna's right...she has plenty of eyeball recipes if you're so inclined...bwahahaha!

Michael Solender said...

I don't mind so much that they smoke, it's when they exhale ..

Laurita said...

I've never heard a better argument for smoking, but if you're going to boil them anyway, I'll stay nicotine free.

Smoker's tongue sounds like quite a delicacy.

Karen from Mentor said...

Because they're easier to catch Laurita?

Karen from Mentor said...

I'm gonna let Deanna and Laura talk amongst themselves. I'll just be over here with my fingers in my ears humming to myself.....

Karen from Mentor said...

yeah, well this particular dude won't be exhaling anymore Michael...so not a problem.

That's me...a problem solver.
*looks proud*

Gracie said...

No, you don't want to make soup. Make a pasty (Cornish savory pie). Put lots of carrots and onions and garlic and you'll NEVER taste the nicotine. And the filling will still have that lovely yellow color. And no pricey saffron. :D

Love this story.

Danielle La Paglia said...

Loved it! Great job, Karen!

KjM said...

I'm breathless after reading this - and not from smoking. No time to think, just dragged through into the monster's lair and ending up in the soup - so to speak.

I think the Landlady should be concerned about herself. This is not a tenant you'd want to annoy.

The tarragon is a nice touch. There's very little that can't be improved with a little tarragon.

Enjoyable - in a monstrous kind of way.

Eric J. Krause said...

Sometimes you just have to factor in if it's worth chasing down the tastier meat, or if an easy catch is almost as good, especially with the right seasoning. Amusing story!

alisonwells said...

The tarragon a great counterpoint to the horror. I found it gruesome but entertainingly so and that's all that matters.

Mari said...

Hey guys, don't forget to munch on the fingers. they should be tasty with all those spices, heheh. ;P

netta said...

Uh. This gives a whole other perspective to a dinner invitation from Karen. Especially if it includes a soup, although after this I imagine all dishes are suspect.

Fabulous flash, Karen. Every word counts and moves the story forward. You are brilliant at this.

*gag* 'Scuse me. Heh.

Kari Fay said...

For such a short story, this packs a lot of punch.

Which I'm sure the soup does too.

estrella05azul said...

"addictive pacifier of the masses" so true! Love the way you wrote this piece, too bad we can't scare smokers with it though... :P

Steve Green said...

Very sharp. It hits hard in such a few words.

If the landlady is a non-smoker, maybe you should invite her to dinner?

She may be rather sweet really (epecially with added herbs)

Either way, it would stop her complaining. :)

Kris said...

Let me just clarify... this is fiction, right?!?

Sometimes I worry about you, Karen.

Other times I'm just plain amused!

Karen from Mentor said...

laughing... yes Kris. Absolutely fiction. And ew. Glad to amuse you.

:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks to everybody who stopped in to read and comment. Much appreciated.
Karen :0)