I'm suddenly living the life I think I was meant to have. I guess it's not so suddenly. It's been a lifetime coming after all. But it seems sudden. And every bit of this current life brings me astonished happiness. The kind of happiness where small pleasures are not taken for granted and people giving the gift of their time and attention to me is cherished.
***
Earlier this week I went to my PO Box and found an envelope with more stamps on it than I've ever seen before in my life. [It reminded me a great deal of the time I tried to mail myself to my grandmother by covering a box with Christmas seals, and waiting patiently inside by the side of the road for the mailman to whisk me off to her house. ]
When I pulled the envelope out, I pealed with delighted laughter so loudly that a man using the copy machine around the corner had to come over and see what was so funny. I showed it to him and told him that I wasn't even going to open it for at least an hour because I wanted to enjoy the delight of the package itself for a while. [I also told him about trying to mail myself to my grandma – and he had quite a laugh at the idea especially since he said in his mind's eye he pictured me at my current height crouched down in the box with my gallon of milk and four peanut butter sandwiches….]
The laughing man and I walked out of the post office together and I put my package carefully onto the passenger seat of my car. Then I ran the rest of my errands. Before I went home, I went to the lake, sat on a bench and watched the waves crash into the shore for a few minutes.
After a while I opened the package. I thought I had a pretty good idea of what it would contain, because I know the kindness and beauty of the heart of the loved one who sent it to me. But I was wrong. It was filled with such thoughtful, lovely gifts that my imagination didn't even come close. I actually sat and cried for a while because I was so overwhelmed. [and I'm not a crier, just fyi to all of you rolling your eyes out there and thinking what a big softy….]
The package was a birthday gift from Estrella Azul. Estrella lives in Romania. I met her through Miscellaneous Yammering about a year and a half ago and we've become close friends. She's a lovely and talented artist and she took great pains to send me some gorgeous and meaningful gifts that she hand made just for me.
I don't even know how to begin to tell you what it's like to go from living a life of being starved for attention and affection to living a life where people take me to dinner just because they want to be with me, where people read my work because they enjoy my writing, where people think I have artistic talent and where people take the time and trouble to mail me a package from half way around the world just so I can have a present on my birthday.
All I know is that the life I have now astonishes me. I've never been happier. I've never been broker…lol…but I've never felt more loved.
Today's my birthday. And it's a day of happy astonishment.
