Sunday, July 12, 2009


Hating is like swallowing a spoonful of poison each day and hoping that it will kill your enemy

This quote isn’t mine, and I can’t remember where I read it, but it makes so much sense when you really think about it. We all carry hurts inside of us. Some are big, some are small. But they all add up over time. They just sit there, in our bodies, festering, waiting a chance to morph into something else.

All they need is more food.

More bitterness, more resentment, more negative thinking. When you forgive someone, even if you only do it in your own mind, you aren’t doing it for them. You are doing it for you. For your own peace of mind. For your own health. For your own spiritual growth. You don’t even have to tell them that you’ve done it. Especially when you have already extracted yourself from a situation that was soul numbing in the first place.

In our society there are some misconceptions about closure. Closure is not something that you have to share. You can have closure for anything in your life, no matter how big, how small.

By gathering all of the bits of yourself together into one cohesive package and talking to them, really talking to them, and then listening to what they need to hear from you to be at peace, you can become peaceful.

You can get quiet in your own mind. You can get off the hamster wheel that keeps you from focusing in the daytime and keeps you up at night and rest.

It may be as simple as starting each day by looking yourself in the eye in the mirror and saying it wasn’t your fault. Followed up by I love you. I’m proud of you. You survived that. Yes, that happened to you, but it’s not happening now.

And finally, saying to yourself ……..I will live my life for today.

I will live in the now. I will be the best friend that I can be to myself. I will love and approve of myself first.

You can get to that peaceful point in an amazingly short time.

The next step is to begin anew building stronger, healthier relationships. You will be blown away by the kind of people you draw into your life when you love yourself first. People who add to your life, add to your spirit, add to your enjoyment of everything you do. People to trust, who don’t drain, who don’t take.

If you are in a situation that drains you, where you are feeling less than you know yourself to be……I urge you to walk away.

If you can’t walk away, I urge you to protect your spirit. We only get one life. There is no reason why we can’t be happy and fulfilled while living it.

Sometimes all it takes is the first small step.

That first no.

Or, conversely, that first yes that we give to ourselves.

Yes, I will love me. Yes, I’m worth loving. Forgive yourself all the small and big hurts. Love yourself. Others will love you for it. Stop taking the poison.

There are plenty of other folks out there to take it, the manufacturers won’t go out of business, so no worries about wrecking the economy.


Anonymous said...

Beautiful post, Karen. We all need to be reminded to not drink the poison.

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Linda.

I seem to have struck a chord. A lot of folks emailing private thoughts about the post. Been sniffling over here for a bit.

CoffeeJitters (Judy Haley) said...

I love that quote - and this is a great reminder

judy said...

I wonder if there are times when forgiveness isn't possible but letting go is...

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Ms. Jitters...I love that quote too.
Words are so powerful. Sometimes just the right ones present themselves to you at the right time. It's funny how sometimes you can read a whole book, but just one simple phrase sticks with you. I'm like that about images too. When you pair the right words with the right images, wow, that pairing can knock your socks right off.
Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Absolutely Judy, letting go, getting it all out of you...forgiveness, are all just words for the same thing.

We get so stuck on labels....whatever works to bring peace to the situation. That's the thing you do.
do that.

Anonymous said...


I hated my life for the longest. I realized this big mistake only a few years ago. Hating won't get you anywhere. It would just make you even more miserable.

Karen from Mentor said...

Hey Meloi,
Been missing you honey. Thanks for stopping in.
Glad you liked the piece.
Karen :0)

Anonymous said...

What a post! Terrific, I am going to get my hubby to read it :)
sometimes, we all need a reminder...

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Jennifer,
Thanks for stopping in.
Come back anytime.
Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks for your comment.
I don't have line by line editing, so I couldn't take out your video and leave your thoughts, so your whole comment had to be deleted.
But thanks for stopping in.
Come back anytime.
Karen :0)

If someone wants to send me a link to something they'd like me to see, please send it via email instead of embedding it in the comment thread.

mdvelazquez said...

Beautiful post. It is something I really needed to hear right now. Thank you, Karen.

Karen from Mentor said...

I'm glad you got to see it then Maria,
hope you have a good week.
Karen :0)

Cat Connor said...


You're one smart cookie, Karen.

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Cat.
Right back atcha.

*waves back*

ChezHui said...

Great post Karen - like mind food. My ADD-crazed mind couldn't help regress to the Princess Bride where Wesley took a little bit of poison each day to be immune to it's effects. Maybe a little drop of hate is like that, sprinkled daily, you lull yourself into the immunity of what it might do to your insides?

Karen from Mentor said...

Great analogy. Yes, humans can get used to anything, and most of us resist change. So we just go on being miserable day by day. I think your thought is spot on.

Linking anything to the princess bride [which is the best movie EVER] is great in my book.
And in this case? It works!
Karen :0)

michelekam said...

Thank you Karen,

I woke up early this morning from a terribly bad dream about a certain person in my life only to find an email from them as well; was hating that they still effected me even in my dreams. Coming across this post helped me realize once again, I have moved on, I am no longer part of that miserable existence. I am happier and better for all of it.
Thank you

Karen from Mentor said...

You are so very welcome darlin.