Friday, September 4, 2009

Do unto others -- flash fiction

"Bless me Father for I have sinned. It's been ten months since my last confession. I'm here today because I shot my neighbor's dog. I feel bad about killing it, but it had to be done."

"Go on my son."

"The dog bit my daughter almost a year ago. But the bastard who owned it refused to put up a fence or keep it inside or even chain it up when he let it out to do its business. He maintained that his dog had a right to roam free. And since he had powerful backers at city hall and throughout the community I had no recourse. Then yesterday I came home with my daughter, our gate was open to let the car through, she jumped out of the car and the dog charged her and mauled her. I had to shoot the dog. I've just come from the hospital. She survived the surgery, but the doctors say she'll never have a normal face."

"I'm so sorry for your daughter my son, the Lord forgives you, say ten Hai...."

The silencer screwed to the end of the gun did an excellent job. One father's revenge upon another hardly made a ripple in the still night air of the church. The priest fell backward in the confessional. The absolved peered through the shattered screen to make sure of his work.

"I hope the Lord forgives you, Father. I never will. I'll say my Hail Mary's but not for killing you, for killing the dog. He was just a dumb animal. You were supposed to be a man of compassion, a man who cared for others.

You should have bought the fence, you arrogant bastard."





Last week's fridayflashfiction extravaganza at Mad Utopia
and now THIS WEEK's flashfiction of which Do unto others is a part

39 comments:

estrella05azul said...

There's a twist :) Very nice!

PS: I ended up writing that short story yesterday... don't know if it's any good, but I did write it. :P

Karen from Mentor said...

Yay Estrella!
Good for you.
Will a novel be forthcoming?
:0)

estrella05azul said...

No idea honestly, I barely wrote this short story. Although I was surprised of how easy it went considering that I'm not a writer. (Yet?) :)

Karen from Mentor said...

LOVED the yet.....

Really enjoyed reading your story... thanks for sending it to me. Looking forward to you posting your fiction.

It gets easier to let people see the stuff you've written....really....sometimes it only takes 10 or 20 years.....[grins at you]

estrella05azul said...

That's a relief then!
And thank you so much (again) for reading it!!!

CHII Power said...

WoW!
Managed to kill off mans best friend & lynchpin both in one story... gotta hand it to you, good stuff, (thanks!) [as the masses freak!!]

Karen from Mentor said...

Giggling ...thanks Chii, AND in under 300 words....feel free to go out into the street with a sign and tell the masses, or if you tweet, use that.

Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

You're very welcome Estrella, any time.

:0)

judy said...

Loved this! (They're may be fallout from all your Catholic/PETA fans. But fight for your art, girl friend!) ;-)

lindacassidylewis said...

Excellent! Nice twist. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Netta said...

Love it, especially that the protag felt worse about killing the dog than he did the priest!

Nicely done!

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Netta,
Glad you liked it.I think that was my favorite part too.
Thanks for stopping in.

Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Linda and you're welcome.
Will we be seeing you on the flash fiction list next week? Come on ya know ya wanna....
Everybody's doing it....

Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Well Judy,
I thought long and hard about it....and it was either let the girl die and have it be *an eye for an eye*... let the father go into the street after shooting the priest and be struck by lightning and have it be *vengeance is mine sayeth the lord*...or any one of a dozen other senerios....but I settled on this one....
I'm tempted to quote Kathy Griffin here...[giggling] but that would be SO OUT OF CHARACTER....that I will just say simply....
it's fiction....I think they'll be fine....

hugs baby!
Karen :0)

Marisa Birns said...

Very good! Brought me back to the days when I was confessing my "sins" which were usually the "I lied three times and didn't listen to my mother!"

Ten Hail Mary's were what I usually got, heheh.

But never thought that...nevermind!

Really enjoyed your story. Cheers!

Eric J. Krause said...

Wow, didn't see that coming! Excellent story!

Laura Eno said...

Nice twist. :) Thanks for posting to the #fridayflash.

Anton Gully said...

Powerful story, and a VERY satisfying ending.

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Anton,
I just read yours, I really liked it, can't say anything else here without giving plot lines away, but I left a comment at your place. I plan to read all the flash fiction.
But since I just got in.....it will be AFTER dinner...

Thanks so much for stopping in and for your very kind comment on my story.

Karen :0)

notenoughwords said...

Ouch! But also, nice one!

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Laura glad you liked it,
I giggled at your story. It's hard to catch me off guard but your punchline was very unexpected!
Thanks for the warm welcome. This is a nice bunch of folks.
Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks for the "ouch" Merrilee. Hope you're feeling better asap!!!!!

Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Eric,
I just read yours. Nicely done! Thanks for your enthusiasm about mine.

Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Hey Marisa,
That was a dark and twisted little thing you put together. Great job.
Thanks for stopping in. And I IN NO WAY endorse killing dogs or priests....just fyi.
[grins at you]
Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

And Netta?
A stripper mermaid....hee hee hee.
:0)

J. M. Strother said...

Nice entry into the #fridayflash, Karen. Great twist at the end. Hope you keep 'em coming.
~jon

Karen from Mentor said...

I'll try Jon,
Thanks so much for adding me to the list.
This is a great bunch of people you've assembled. A lot of talent.

Karen :0)

Tomara Armstrong said...

What a twist! A great story. I hope to see you next week... say, Friday?
~2

Karen from Mentor said...

It's a date Tomara.
See you then for (hopefully) another installment of your ongoing story....

Thanks for stopping in!

Karen :0)

Chris Chartrand said...

Great story. I'm always a sucker for justice being served. I'm glad you went with your instincts here and not either of your alternate endings. I hope to read more of your work next week.
~Chris

battypip said...

Good stuff. I was quite surprised by the accepting nature of the priest's response, then even more surprised by the protagonist shooting him, then very satisfied with the denoument. Fab, thanks for sharing.

dan powell said...

I liked the framing of the story within the confessional. Clever that and helps cover your twist till the end. Welcome to the #fridayflash.

Bishop[Neo] said...

As an animal lover it was sad to see the dog have to die (though understandable under the circumstances), not so much the owner.

Great story!

Alan said...

Yeah! I love it when a holy man gets shot in the face!

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Alan...laughing....man, who knew you were that bloodthirsty? Oh wait...I knew that...

@ Bishop[Neo] thanks for stopping in......that's funny.
I've never actually killed someone with my keyboard before...so this was doubly gruesome for me....

@ Dan, thanks so much Dan. I loved *half mown lawn*.. it really spoke to me...it's going to be confusing around here since I have a friend who also comments named Daniel Powell, so folks may get dizzy. I'll have to get him into the flash fiction too so we can confuse everybody. Although his stuff would probably be about zombies.

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Chris thanks! I like it this way too. It was short and fast and to the point. I'm used to writing a humorous twist so writing a harrowing twist was fun. I'll be back next week...thanks for the welcome.

@ battypip....I LOVE your name....it makes me squee with glee.....and thank you for your kind words.

I have quite a few of you to visit still. I'll be working my way through the rest of the stories in the next couple of days.

There is a LOT of talent in this pool. I'm so happy to be running with you guys.

[and fyi? *I'm* running with scissors]

Karen :0)

J. M. Strother said...

Hey, we take zombies. :)
~jon

PJ said...

Nice story - amazing how the priest didn't skip a beat! Welcome to #fridayflash!

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks PJ, I loved all the sensory input in yours. And talking about sensory input...I'm still queasy after reading battypip's story.

This is so much fun!

Really enjoying seeing everybody's work.

Karen :0)