Friday, September 11, 2009

The phone -- flash fiction

[The scene opens on an elegant apartment, an intimate table set for two, the candles burned to stubs]

As David stood, flexed his fingers and loosened his bunched muscles he reflected on Christa's taste in cinema. She had always loved noir films. One of her favorites of that ilk was Dial M for Murder.

David smiled at the irony.

He had found the rotary prop phone used in the film snuggled lovingly amongst tissue paper in an estate sale auction. He had planned on surprising her with it tonight as an anniversary gift. Christa loved surprises.

David had sat for hours at her mirrored makeup table watching his reflection lose game after game of solitaire, reaching out now and again to delicately stroke the curved feminine lines of the phone.

At three a.m. Christa finally brought the beautiful body which contained her black cheating heart home. When she smiled sweetly at him while lying through her gleaming white teeth he had snapped.

He knew that she hadn't been at the theatre running her lines with the new director. He'd seen them go into the Hollywood Hilton together. But David saw to it that Christa did get to practice a new scene. A scene filled with heartbreaking lines and a very dramatic exit. A scene that the audience would see coming a mile away.

But Christa had been out during the setup so she couldn't have been expecting strangulation by vintage telephone cord to be her very last stage direction.

[As sirens wail in the background David exits stage left]





This week's fridayflash at MadUtopia

30 comments:

estrella05azul said...

Very nice :) I love this one's twist too, and the irony of it!

J. M. Strother said...

[Enter the critics.] ;)
I love how you couch this piece as a screenplay, and tie the characters together through the very same device. Clever.
~jon

Alan said...

Ha! Nice imagery. Well done.

Laura Eno said...

I loved the irony of her final exit. :)

ganymeder said...

Nice! Cool commentary about how the audience would see it coming a mile away but Christa wouldn't...

Awesome!

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks ganymeder, I just read your flash from last week and this week. Creepy, and well told.
very nicely done!
Thanks for stopping in.
Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Laura,
Once he found the phone in the shop...it was all downhill from there...
:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Alan! Off to read yours and Laura's...
:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks for stopping in Jon. Your story with it's apacalyptic journey into our oh so plausible future....shudder....

Karen :0)

Thanks for tweeting my story!!!

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Estrella!
Can't wait to see you on the friday flash roll....

hugs hon!
Karen :0)

Eric J. Krause said...

Great story! I loved its form and the imagery you used. Christa sure didn't love that last surprise!

Karen from Mentor said...

No she surely didn't Eric and I
love that you caught that.

I really enjoyed your piece today...

thanks for stopping in.
Karen :0)

~Tim said...

Ah, the moral of the story must be that cell phones save lives!

Karen from Mentor said...

Actually Tim I think the moral of the story is don't cheat on your anniversary ......or if you do, don't go home... :0)

but I like your spin on the telephone being at fault..... [grins at you] Inanimate objects often make people do crazy things....

why just the other day my toaster tried to talk me into....

....um....nevermind.

dan powell said...

Love the central idea of this. The stage directions are a great way to show the mindset of your character. We can really see how he has distanced himself from the act of murder, enabling him to do it. Great read.

Laura Eno said...

By the way, thank you for your random thoughts over on the side bar. They're hysterical! If you see me consistantly stalking your site, you'll know it's because I've come back to read them over and over...

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Dan,
It's amazing what humans are capable of in life and in fiction when passions are aroused.

Speaking of which I LOVED your nerdy little offering of quasi cyberbyticporn this week. Holy cow!

Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Laura,
Glad you liked my random thoughts.
I add to them randomly. Sometimes I stick new ones in right in the middle just to keep people on their toes.

I see you've joined my minions!!!
Welcome aboard missy.

Come anytime you want. I leave the door open 24/7.

[and there's usually pie in the fridge]

Karen :0)

lautir said...

Loved the format for this and the use of the stage dialogue, especially the last two line - 'very last stage direction.' and 'exits stage left'. Well done!

judy said...

Coolness! Oh, and "cell phones save lives" made me laugh. Sorry so late to the party!

Karen from Mentor said...

You know you're welcome no matter what time you show up. And the outfit you put together for the party???? wicked wicked stylin.
Tim will be so happy that you liked his joke Judy. He doesn't get nearly enough praise over at his place. :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks lautir,
I had a moment's hesitation about using exit stage left because it makes me think of snagglepuss. He was a cartoon lion that liked to quote shakespeare (badly) and ALWAYS said exit stage left.
But I used it anyway because exit stage right just didn't have the same ring to it....

I loved Catholic guilt and lima beans. I'm looking forward to your entry for next week.
Thanks for stopping in.
Karen :0)

hojpoj said...

Heh, I love crime noir and your story is like a layer cake of the genre! It is well-crafted and flowed perfectly. (And I also [can't help but] love your sidebar offerings, too!)

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks hojpoj glad you stopped in.
This one was a lot of fun to write.
I just hopped over to your place and read your offering.
Can't say what I loved without giving away your story. But it was great!
Come back anytime to visit my sidebar...it enjoys the attention....[it doesn't get out much]
Karen :0)

Netta said...

This format is very clever and quite unique. A really enjoyable read. Normally, I hate the phone, but this gives me ideas....heh. Just kidding.

Karen from Mentor said...

Once again Netta, I have to stress that these little murders aren't blueprints....just fiction...[grins at you]

I really like the phone. Especially late at night...I like face to face better....and hey...that statement could also be followed up by especia.....um nevermind...

thanks for stopping in. See you Friday!
Karen :0)

Chris Chartrand said...

Wow, what a unique piece. The atmosphere drips off every line. I love it.
~Chris

Karen from Mentor said...

Geez Chris,
It's a good thing that I'm in for the night cause my head just swelled to twice its normal size and I probably couldn't fit it through the door....

Thank you for your kind words.

Karen :0)

Deanna Schrayer said...

So glad you brought this one to our attention Karen, since I missed it the first go round. I love the concept and, well, all of it, especially this line: "At three a.m. Christa finally brought the beautiful body which contained her black cheating heart home."
Fantabulous!

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Deanna,
I was going through sorting my flash into categories and I thought, hey, I really like this one, I think I'll give it a shout out a year later.

So pleased that you stopped in and took the time to comment.
:0)