Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Ten Questions Tuesday with Lauren C

Today Miscellaneous Yammering is as pleased as punch to be presenting the lovely, talented, very huggable, artistically minded and sweet smelling daughter of my heart - my "extra" daughter- Lauren C for your entertainment. Lauren has been in my life for many many years and watched me grow up as I watched her do the same. She is hilariously funny, wicked smart and very entertaining to be around. Especially when she dances.

So crank your stereos up to eleven, put your hands in the air like you just don't care and join me in welcoming Lauren C to Ten Questions Tuesday.

K: Hi Lauren Honey, sorry to make you get up before noon, but my minions are early risers. Is the coffee that we hooked up to the iv strong enough?

L: Oh, you mean there's coffee in this sugar? Well, in the words of my childhood hero, Tony the Tiger, it's gr-rrr-rrr-rrrreat!

On second thought, "Tony the Tiger" kind of sounds like a guy in the Italian mob. I imagine a square-shaped Don with rings on his fingers and greased-back hair, putting a heavy hand on Tony's shoulder... "Hey, Tony. I got a job for ya. See, there's somebody who owes me... owes me some breakfast cereal."

Also, thanks to Wikipedia, I now know that Tony has a Spanish alias: El Tigre Toño, which will totally be my name when I become a Mexican wrestler.

K: I really like the shirt you're wearing. Did you paint that cool design?

L: Um... yes. I painted it. With... stuff. That red spray? Not from zombies. Nope. It's from... hot wings!

K: Ah. I'd use a napkin next time then.

[a few minutes pass…we hum the jeopardy theme while the coffee kicks in]

K: I see that you can actually keep your lids open over your beautiful eyes now …. but I think that maybe we'll adjust the coffee drip a little bit to slow down the vibrating…..there... that's better…. now let's jump right in to


K: Since you're not quite awake, we'll start you off slow. Seen any good movies lately?

L: Here's a quick run-down: see Up if you haven't already. Pixar outdid itself, again. I cried, I laughed, I nearly snorted popcorn through my nose. It's got a tender but energetic story, well-rounded characters, and gorgeous visuals. And a funny dog.

Don't see District 9, because it would be way too gooey for you. At times it was a bit too gooey for me. Personally I believe blood should not spatter the camera lens more than once during any given film.

Still, it's a good sci-fi movie, I think. For once the aliens aren't the bad guys. When was the last time that happened? E.T.? And while E.T. looked like a goofy raisin with eyes (never liked him much), these aliens are kind of like bipedal lobster/grasshopper hybrids. And they have some charming quirks, like a taste for cat food. Imagine a big honkin' alien creeping up on your porch to nibble from your cat's bowl... that would be AWESOME.

And there's a little kid alien that is sooo cute.

But the one movie I saw that everyone must
see is... Cat in Tube. On YouTube. It's a cat. In a tube. Actually it's in the sleeve of a jacket.

I could watch that all day.

K: If you could be an animal, what kind of animal would you be?

L: A numbat, of course.

Or, if they're all out of numbats, I would settle from any of the ones from my list of animals-that-frequently-show-up-in-my-art-or-writing: crow, cat, raccoon, fox, and OWL OWL OWL (I love owls. It borders on addiction).

Mostly woodland animals... guess I'm showing my forest roots. Haha. Forest, roots... I made a funny.

K: What's the weirdest thing that you've seen a drunk college student do?

L: What haven't I seen drunk college students do? (What haven't I... uh... never mind) Actually, I'm rather disappointed in the local drunkies' lack of creativity. Mostly they do a lot of shouting, some staggering. Typical stuff. And then they all flock to Taco Bell or Wafflehouse to eat what is roughly defined as "food" to soak up the alcohol.

But no couches on fire! No pinatas in the street! No streaking, even! If they're going to be obnoxious, then I want some performance art, dang it!

...Off to buy some pinatas...

K: Describe something you saw in an art show or a catalog or a store or on tv that if you had all the money in the world you'd run right out and buy.

L: A llama! The Dalai Lama! The world's biggest ball of twine!

Actually, I'm pretty low-maintenance. I'm happy with a bottle of orange cream soda and a squeaky-toy shaped like a dolphin. Those were actually my last purchases. No lie.

But I'd probably buy the Sheep Throne. [type "sheep chair" into Google Images] It's terrifying. It's intimidating. It's #*%$ing nuts. And with that chair, I could rule the world. Mwahaa!

K: You recently had the opportunity to read some of your poetry in front of an appreciative crowd. Can you tell us a little about how the reading went? (Don't forget to tell us how many times the person who introduced you used the phrase published poet. )

[In my visual Lauren is wearing a fetching beret and black turtleneck with a bongo player behind her]

L: I did wear black. It was in a chapel. Yes. A holy place. And holy cow, it was awesome, even though I had to introduce myself. (Though I must say, it was a pretty good introduction. I shook my own hand for that one.)

Unfortunately I left my bongo player at home, but I shocked myself with how well it went. I was... funny. People... clapped.

And even though I read poems with bad words and two poems in a row about the apocalypse, tons of people told me I was the best reader of the night (out of five). Suffice to say that my head grew at least ten sizes that night. It was hard to fit through doorways for awhile.

K: Some of your beautiful artistic wares are now being sold in a shop. What's the dumbest thing that you've overheard someone say about anything that is for sale of yours or other artists?

L: Ok, it's not about stuff for sale, but my favorite comments are those mostly heard in art galleries/museums, generally in regards to Abstract Expressionist paintings, like Jackson Pollock pieces: "My three-year-old son could paint that!"

To which I want to shout, "But he didn't paint it, DID HE?!"

K: You have a lovely very tall boyfriend. He sometimes grows facial hair. Which do you prefer? Facial hair or clean shaven?

L: I'll be honest: clean shaven. My darling boyfriend can rock the facial hair for about a week, but then it starts to look kind of funny to me. Last spring he had a mustache-goatee combo that made him look a little too much like Wesley from a Princess Bride. Not that Wesley isn't a charmer - but that facial hair makes me giggle.

K: If you could add a body part to yourself, what would you add?

L: Hm. Probably something hopelessly nerdy, like retractable claws or laser eyes. I had a friend once who said she'd give up her right hand if she could have a paw instead. A tiger paw, specifically.

Intriguing people seem to glom to me... wonder why that is.

(Unrelated note: I love the word "glom.")

K: Which brings us right to, what superpower do you possess or wish you possessed?

L: If I told you, I'd have to kill somebody. Not you. Perhaps the postman, poor guy. Don't make me do that. How will I get my student-loan bills and Aldi circulars without him?

...Then again...

But I really can't think of any superpower I wouldn't want. Can't I have it all? I'd like a superpower-a-day calendar... Tear off the page, and you have that day's power. Monday you can fly, Tuesday you can walk through walls, Wednesday you can turn water into hot coffee, just in time for Donut Wednesdays at the office. Wouldn't that be great?

And finally,

K: When your story is written for future generations, what do you want wickipedia to write about you?

L: Oh, I expect there will be hundreds - nay, thousands - of people all trying to write their bit. My article will constantly have the "Needs citations" and "This article needs clean-up" tags over it. As long as there are plenty of links to other, completely unrelated articles, I'll be happy.

I imagine there will be a line or two about my fabulous debut/incredible crashing-and-burning at Miscellaneous Yammering, of course.

K: Lauren honey thank you so much for coming in to play Ten Questions Tuesday with me. I thought your debut was spectacular!

And I had a blast interviewing you. I don't know when I've giggled so much.

To thank you for playing I'd like to present you with a personalized Miscellaneous Yammering glow in the dark tiara and sidewalk chalk set.

Now I think that we should go to the park and walk off some of that caffeine. But the great thing is I'll have an opportunity to bring my camera and put the aperture on a slow speed. If I hold really still I think I can get some cool artistic shots of you vibrating like that.

L: G-g-g-geee t-th-thanks! I h-h-had a g-g-grrreat time!


Anonymous said...

Oh my! This was probably the funniest TQT so far aside from last week's.
Your daughter is so much like you, I love that! (I secretly wish my mother would take after me in my sarcasm and whits) :P
Enjoyed your TQT yet again, what's on for next week? :)

Karen from Mentor said...

I agree Estrella and have already marked this posting *FUNNY* it just about killed me when I first read Lauren's answers.

And while I may have had something to do with molding Lauren's sense of humor over the years, I can't take credit for bringing her into the world. She's the "daughter of my heart" as in, my EXTRA daughter, her family lived two doors down and Rachel, Lauren and I played together pretty constantly for most of their formative years. [and mine!]

I put a link into the words Daughter of my heart just now to clear up the confusion.

Rachel's tQt was on July 7th... she's the one who was sitting on a throne of pancakes while I interviewed her.....what can I say? I have hysterically funny loved ones.

Hugs honey! Glad you enjoyed it. Lauren *is* WICKED WICKED funny.

woo hoo!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Yes, I just noticed my answering questions while reading didn't go as well as it usually does :P

I searched for Rachel's TQT and now I remember it :)

Karen from Mentor said...


that's what I get for creating inteviews in the middle of the night and APPARENTLY just assuming everybody knows what I know...

While we're clearing stuff up.... does anybody know where the heck I put the tv remote?

judy said...

Holy cow, the sheep throne! If you have the sheep throne and Dr. Evil's white cat, I don't think you'd even have to speak. The world would simply cower at your feet.

I think I'm going to have nightmares.

I do like the superpower calendar idea. To distract myself from the sheep chair, I'm going to start my list of 365 superpowers.

Lauren C said...

Let me know how that list goes... personally I plan to hunker down in the sheep throne and take a nap after that grueling interview! :D

Thanks again, Karen. This was so much fun. And now I'm on the internet! Look at me!! (I'll be signing autographs after the refreshments.)

Karen from Mentor said...

Look at you indeed you pretty young thing you!!!
It was sooooo much fun for me to do this with you Lauren.

So my question is does facebook have a "now I'm famous" status????

Did you update your wall or..... oh hey...look cookies!!!....

what was I saying?

hugs honey bun.
Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Judy? I'm up to twelve for me, fourteen for you....but I think I listed "lights up the room with her smile" twice on your list....

Cat Connor said...

Loved it.

I use your blog as a headache cure... (have I not mentioned that before?) I figure if I laugh like a loon my headache will run away in terror.

Cept now the kids are running.... whoops backfired again. Apparently its a maniacal 'I'm going to get you my pretties - you and your little rabbit too' type laugh. Who knew?

~Tim said...

I love the superpower-a-day calendar idea! I want one.

Rachel said...

This made me happy.
Seeing how I'm utterly exhausted I'll comment back later.

Karen from Mentor said...

I'm already working on MY calendar.

If you want to add illustrations to yours, I'd be happy to photograph you in your various super uniforms.

But maybe you would want to go with just one photo a month....would save on chafing from wearing the tights......


Karen from Mentor said...

Hey Cat,
Hope the maniacal laughing actually does help your head. I enjoyed the visual of Breezy and Squealer chasing rabbits through your house....

Lauren is a hoot. Even more so in person.

I have film. Come over....we're doing an all Lauren all night on Friday...

She's making hummus.


Karen from Mentor said...

Glad you enjoyed it Rachel honey.
Get some rest.

jane, candid said...

Karen, this made me smile. Her humor does remind me of you. Go, Lauren, go!

Karen from Mentor said...

She's a beaut Jane. I'm so lucky she GETS me.
She's always been a lot of fun to play with.

We giggled so much doing this interview that
I just might ask her to do another one as her alter ego, El Tigre Tono.....boy would THAT be fun.

Karen :0)

~Tim said...

Calendar photos, huh? Like this?


Karen from Mentor said...

Tim dear, knowing you I was a teensy weensy bit worried about going to the link you provided.......but the pictures are ADORABLE!!! And it made me giggle.

Your nephew is too cute. [especially as a super hero....and I'd also like to see the spiderman pajamas please....]

Karen :0)

Lauren C said...

hm, an interview with El Tigre Tono might get you some unusual answers... unusual in that they'd all be in 2nd-grade-level Spanish... and there would be a lot of shouting.
yeah. it would be awesome.

also: I must admit, I'm absolutely tickled that everyone's enjoyed this so much.

Karen from Mentor said...

Oooh Lauren,
I didn't even imagine doing it IN SPANISH...I just thought we'd use really bad movie spanish accents...like speedy gonzales (a cartoon mouse from when I was a kid)

Since all I remember of my one semester of Spanish are the words for table, pencil and spring....I think it would be a really really short interview.....

but funny. I'm sure we could do some funny stuff with just those three words....

[wheels start turning]