Today Miscellaneous Yammering is as pleased as punch to be presenting the lovely, talented, very huggable, artistically minded and sweet smelling daughter of my heart - my "extra" daughter- Lauren C for your entertainment. Lauren has been in my life for many many years and watched me grow up as I watched her do the same. She is hilariously funny, wicked smart and very entertaining to be around. Especially when she dances.
So crank your stereos up to eleven, put your hands in the air like you just don't care and join me in welcoming Lauren C to Ten Questions Tuesday.
K: Hi Lauren Honey, sorry to make you get up before noon, but my minions are early risers. Is the coffee that we hooked up to the iv strong enough?
L: Oh, you mean there's coffee in this sugar? Well, in the words of my childhood hero, Tony the Tiger, it's gr-rrr-rrr-rrrreat!
On second thought, "Tony the Tiger" kind of sounds like a guy in the Italian mob. I imagine a square-shaped Don with rings on his fingers and greased-back hair, putting a heavy hand on Tony's shoulder... "Hey, Tony. I got a job for ya. See, there's somebody who owes me... owes me some breakfast cereal."
Also, thanks to Wikipedia, I now know that Tony has a Spanish alias: El Tigre Toño, which will totally be my name when I become a Mexican wrestler.
K: I really like the shirt you're wearing. Did you paint that cool design?
L: Um... yes. I painted it. With... stuff. That red spray? Not from zombies. Nope. It's from... hot wings!
K: Ah. I'd use a napkin next time then.
[a few minutes pass…we hum the jeopardy theme while the coffee kicks in]
K: I see that you can actually keep your lids open over your beautiful eyes now …. but I think that maybe we'll adjust the coffee drip a little bit to slow down the vibrating…..there... that's better…. now let's jump right in to
TEN QUESTIONS FOR LAUREN C
K: Since you're not quite awake, we'll start you off slow. Seen any good movies lately?
L: Here's a quick run-down: see Up if you haven't already. Pixar outdid itself, again. I cried, I laughed, I nearly snorted popcorn through my nose. It's got a tender but energetic story, well-rounded characters, and gorgeous visuals. And a funny dog.
Don't see District 9, because it would be way too gooey for you. At times it was a bit too gooey for me. Personally I believe blood should not spatter the camera lens more than once during any given film.
Still, it's a good sci-fi movie, I think. For once the aliens aren't the bad guys. When was the last time that happened? E.T.? And while E.T. looked like a goofy raisin with eyes (never liked him much), these aliens are kind of like bipedal lobster/grasshopper hybrids. And they have some charming quirks, like a taste for cat food. Imagine a big honkin' alien creeping up on your porch to nibble from your cat's bowl... that would be AWESOME.
And there's a little kid alien that is sooo cute.
But the one movie I saw that everyone must
see is... Cat in Tube. On YouTube. It's a cat. In a tube. Actually it's in the sleeve of a jacket.
I could watch that all day.
K: If you could be an animal, what kind of animal would you be?
L: A numbat, of course.
Or, if they're all out of numbats, I would settle from any of the ones from my list of animals-that-frequently-show-up-in-my-art-or-writing: crow, cat, raccoon, fox, and OWL OWL OWL (I love owls. It borders on addiction).
Mostly woodland animals... guess I'm showing my forest roots. Haha. Forest, roots... I made a funny.
K: What's the weirdest thing that you've seen a drunk college student do?
L: What haven't I seen drunk college students do? (What haven't I... uh... never mind) Actually, I'm rather disappointed in the local drunkies' lack of creativity. Mostly they do a lot of shouting, some staggering. Typical stuff. And then they all flock to Taco Bell or Wafflehouse to eat what is roughly defined as "food" to soak up the alcohol.
But no couches on fire! No pinatas in the street! No streaking, even! If they're going to be obnoxious, then I want some performance art, dang it!
...Off to buy some pinatas...
K: Describe something you saw in an art show or a catalog or a store or on tv that if you had all the money in the world you'd run right out and buy.
L: A llama! The Dalai Lama! The world's biggest ball of twine!
Actually, I'm pretty low-maintenance. I'm happy with a bottle of orange cream soda and a squeaky-toy shaped like a dolphin. Those were actually my last purchases. No lie.
But I'd probably buy the Sheep Throne. [type "sheep chair" into Google Images] It's terrifying. It's intimidating. It's #*%$ing nuts. And with that chair, I could rule the world. Mwahaa!
K: You recently had the opportunity to read some of your poetry in front of an appreciative crowd. Can you tell us a little about how the reading went? (Don't forget to tell us how many times the person who introduced you used the phrase published poet. )
[In my visual Lauren is wearing a fetching beret and black turtleneck with a bongo player behind her]
L: I did wear black. It was in a chapel. Yes. A holy place. And holy cow, it was awesome, even though I had to introduce myself. (Though I must say, it was a pretty good introduction. I shook my own hand for that one.)
Unfortunately I left my bongo player at home, but I shocked myself with how well it went. I was... funny. People... clapped.
And even though I read poems with bad words and two poems in a row about the apocalypse, tons of people told me I was the best reader of the night (out of five). Suffice to say that my head grew at least ten sizes that night. It was hard to fit through doorways for awhile.
K: Some of your beautiful artistic wares are now being sold in a shop. What's the dumbest thing that you've overheard someone say about anything that is for sale of yours or other artists?
L: Ok, it's not about stuff for sale, but my favorite comments are those mostly heard in art galleries/museums, generally in regards to Abstract Expressionist paintings, like Jackson Pollock pieces: "My three-year-old son could paint that!"
To which I want to shout, "But he didn't paint it, DID HE?!"
K: You have a lovely very tall boyfriend. He sometimes grows facial hair. Which do you prefer? Facial hair or clean shaven?
L: I'll be honest: clean shaven. My darling boyfriend can rock the facial hair for about a week, but then it starts to look kind of funny to me. Last spring he had a mustache-goatee combo that made him look a little too much like Wesley from a Princess Bride. Not that Wesley isn't a charmer - but that facial hair makes me giggle.
K: If you could add a body part to yourself, what would you add?
L: Hm. Probably something hopelessly nerdy, like retractable claws or laser eyes. I had a friend once who said she'd give up her right hand if she could have a paw instead. A tiger paw, specifically.
Intriguing people seem to glom to me... wonder why that is.
(Unrelated note: I love the word "glom.")
K: Which brings us right to, what superpower do you possess or wish you possessed?
L: If I told you, I'd have to kill somebody. Not you. Perhaps the postman, poor guy. Don't make me do that. How will I get my student-loan bills and Aldi circulars without him?
But I really can't think of any superpower I wouldn't want. Can't I have it all? I'd like a superpower-a-day calendar... Tear off the page, and you have that day's power. Monday you can fly, Tuesday you can walk through walls, Wednesday you can turn water into hot coffee, just in time for Donut Wednesdays at the office. Wouldn't that be great?
K: When your story is written for future generations, what do you want wickipedia to write about you?
L: Oh, I expect there will be hundreds - nay, thousands - of people all trying to write their bit. My article will constantly have the "Needs citations" and "This article needs clean-up" tags over it. As long as there are plenty of links to other, completely unrelated articles, I'll be happy.
I imagine there will be a line or two about my fabulous debut/incredible crashing-and-burning at Miscellaneous Yammering, of course.
K: Lauren honey thank you so much for coming in to play Ten Questions Tuesday with me. I thought your debut was spectacular!
And I had a blast interviewing you. I don't know when I've giggled so much.
To thank you for playing I'd like to present you with a personalized Miscellaneous Yammering glow in the dark tiara and sidewalk chalk set.
Now I think that we should go to the park and walk off some of that caffeine. But the great thing is I'll have an opportunity to bring my camera and put the aperture on a slow speed. If I hold really still I think I can get some cool artistic shots of you vibrating like that.
L: G-g-g-geee t-th-thanks! I h-h-had a g-g-grrreat time!