Smalltalk for that looming Christmas party

Have you ever been backed into a corner at a party by that one guy, you know the guy, he's pretty drunk, thinks you're cute and thinks that he's even more charming when he's sloshed and is therefore hell bent on talking AT you until he wins you over or you are overcome by his 80 proof charm and wit? [or his breath]

You try rolling yourself into a metaphorical ball…… pretending to be conversationally dead so the bear doesn't maul you, but every time you open your mouth ….three words in……no matter what you bring up the bear has a new story ON THAT VERY TOPIC that he just HAS to tell you so you can't just politely slide away?

I have a solution.

Arm yourself with trivia so you can outbear the bear.

Am I always thinking of you guys or what?

Office parties are approaching...start now..... there's no time to lose..... bone up on your useless information so you can be armed and dangerous and ready for whatever conversational hurdles the holiday season throws at you.

Two bits of trivia ammo:

#1-Do you know how they harvest almonds?

They drive this huge machine equipped with these rubber gripped "arms" up to the tree and shake it until all the nuts fall to the ground, then drive a giant sweeper [a lot like a street sweeper] all around the shaken up trees and gather the nuts. Really. HERE'S THE VIDEO. [you get points if you load this video onto your phone and actually show it to the guy]

#2-Stephen Colbert is sponsoring the US Olympic Speedskating Team. Really. He is. HERE'S THE ARTICLE. The team lost their main sponsor so Stephen and the Colbert Nation stepped in to fund the team. This news broke back on November 2, 2009 so the guy probably heard about it then, and therefore you get points for telling him old news. And again, if you load the article onto your phone or link to the video clip of Stephen announcing it on the Colbert Report and then stand there waxing on and on in a swoony way about how cute Stephen's ears are for the next five minutes…..I think you'll be able to shake the guy.

Worked for me.

Well, I also accidentally spilled my dip on him and then stepped on him with really pointy shoes, but you get the general idea.

Depending on how short your dress is or how deep the v….. add one to four more pieces of trivia.

[Dip, mace and pointy shoes are optional]

Coincidentally Judy posted a wondrous list of useless/useful trivia this morning....just the stuff you need to load yourself for bear. I like the one about the "feeling fist" but the one about marijuana is interesting too.