A Little Christmas Magic….or

The day I became Cindy Lou Who

This past weekend I went to a Christmas concert. The orchestra was divine as always and seeing friends was nice, but the absolute highlight of the concert for me was the entrance of the sugar plum fairies. These particular fairies were four and five year old "ballerinas" in purple tutus and fairy wings. When they tippy toed out to the familiar strains of the Nutcracker Suite and the first one hit her mark and stopped, the second one hit her mark and stopped, the third one hit her mark and stopped and so on down the line until the last one plowed into the second to the last one and almost knocked her down…. not noticing because she was too busy beaming and waving at the audience….. I was delighted beyond words.

And this was even before they started dancing.

When their section of the musical program started their teacher who was kneeling on the floor in front of the stage led them through their routine. They "danced" all the way through the Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies without major incident and then beaming and waving at their parents in the audience tippy toed back off the stage. It was so incredibly cute I could hardly stand it. Especially the little wings bouncing when they tippy toed. I'm still grinning about it now while I'm telling you about it.

My delight in the fairies spilled over into the next segment which held Santa's arrival. He came in like a juggernaut and ran up and down the aisles high fiving children left and right; whipping them into a Christmas frenzy. When he had them on the edge of hysteria, he stopped at the front of the theatre and asked if the children would like to see Mrs. Clause. They shrieked "YES" and Mrs. Clause appeared with a basket of candy canes which she and Santa then began distributing. The WHOLE time this was going on there was a three year old about twenty rows in front of me shrieking "Santa" "Santa" and jumping up and down on her seat. Her father had a good grip on her but I was still concerned that there was going to be a need for the tooth fairy before Santa actually got over to her to give her a candy cane.

So there I was, sitting way in the back of the theatre because that's where my friend had found the source of all heat in the universe and was basking in it like a lizard…..beaming at Santa and Mrs. Clause as they distributed candy canes to all the children in the audience.

Well, here's the funny part.

And I'm totally blaming it on the magic of Christmas.

There were no children in the section of the theatre where we were, but Mrs. Clause made a bee line for me and gave me a candy cane.

I smiled and thanked her and ACTUALLY HUGGED IT TO MY CHEST like Cindy Lou Who in the Grinch.

AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE CANDY CANES.

So I hung the candy cane on a button on my coat that reads "I write therefore I am" and enjoyed the rest of the concert.

Afterwards my daughter [who was in the concert btw and was MARVELOUS] and I were waiting in line for refreshments.

She was telling me about the cookies that she had made and how each one contained at least five cups of sugar all by itself and that she hoped no one with diabetes tried one and then we were just talking about this and that the way we do with our chipmunk voices that get higher and squeakier when we get excited…..

And I noticed the man in front of us in line laughing and trying not to show it.

So I said to him something along the line of yes this is how we always talk and it was ok for him to be delighted by us since we were delightful and he turned around and introduced himself and we chatted for a while and I noticed that he ALSO had a candy cane sticking out of his coat pocket.

He mentioned that he thought he was the only adult in his section who had received a candy cane from Mrs. Clause. I said that I was the only adult in my section who had received a candy cane......

Then the world spun away and we were the only two people in the room and the music swelled….…..

Well ok, that last part didn't happen, but we had a nice chat and I'm pretty sure that my daughter and I were his version of the delightful thing to take away from the concert just like the sugar plum fairies were mine.

I love going through life spreading a little sparkly trail of joy…..

 

 

Happy holidays everyone….

Smalltalk for that looming Christmas party

Have you ever been backed into a corner at a party by that one guy, you know the guy, he's pretty drunk, thinks you're cute and thinks that he's even more charming when he's sloshed and is therefore hell bent on talking AT you until he wins you over or you are overcome by his 80 proof charm and wit? [or his breath]

You try rolling yourself into a metaphorical ball…… pretending to be conversationally dead so the bear doesn't maul you, but every time you open your mouth ….three words in……no matter what you bring up the bear has a new story ON THAT VERY TOPIC that he just HAS to tell you so you can't just politely slide away?

I have a solution.

Arm yourself with trivia so you can outbear the bear.

Am I always thinking of you guys or what?

Office parties are approaching...start now..... there's no time to lose..... bone up on your useless information so you can be armed and dangerous and ready for whatever conversational hurdles the holiday season throws at you.

Two bits of trivia ammo:

#1-Do you know how they harvest almonds?

They drive this huge machine equipped with these rubber gripped "arms" up to the tree and shake it until all the nuts fall to the ground, then drive a giant sweeper [a lot like a street sweeper] all around the shaken up trees and gather the nuts. Really. HERE'S THE VIDEO. [you get points if you load this video onto your phone and actually show it to the guy]

#2-Stephen Colbert is sponsoring the US Olympic Speedskating Team. Really. He is. HERE'S THE ARTICLE. The team lost their main sponsor so Stephen and the Colbert Nation stepped in to fund the team. This news broke back on November 2, 2009 so the guy probably heard about it then, and therefore you get points for telling him old news. And again, if you load the article onto your phone or link to the video clip of Stephen announcing it on the Colbert Report and then stand there waxing on and on in a swoony way about how cute Stephen's ears are for the next five minutes…..I think you'll be able to shake the guy.

Worked for me.

Well, I also accidentally spilled my dip on him and then stepped on him with really pointy shoes, but you get the general idea.

Depending on how short your dress is or how deep the v….. add one to four more pieces of trivia.

[Dip, mace and pointy shoes are optional]

Coincidentally Judy posted a wondrous list of useless/useful trivia this morning....just the stuff you need to load yourself for bear. I like the one about the "feeling fist" but the one about marijuana is interesting too.

Fame, no fortune

I had the oddest thing happen to me a couple of days ago. I was in a store looking at light bulbs and I saw a man rushing at me out of the corner of my eye.

When he got about four feet away he said "You're Karen Schindler! I love you!" which was kind of odd since I have a good memory for faces and I was sure that I'd never seen him before in my life.

He closed the distance between us and when he got right next to me he started telling me everything he loved about Miscellaneous Yammering.

I listened for a while and when he paused for breath I stuck out my hand and said

"Hi, I'm Karen and you are?"

The whole thing was surreal.

I felt like a rock star or something.

I didn't stop grinning for hours.

An interesting thing that came of the encounter [besides a gigantic boost to my ego] was a suggestion that the man made.

He asked me to put buttons on the blog that took people to my funny stuff, to my flash fiction and to his favorite piece … Tail lights and Testosterone.

So I did.

They're now at the top of the right hand column under Easy Navigation.

Now here's the part that boggles my mind.

I've had people from near and far contact me via email about things that I've written. People I know in real life read me and often talk to me about something I wrote that they particularly loved.

My regular readers make my day when they take the time to comment on something I've written and the readers and writers from the flash group from #fridayflash are pretty amazing at commenting too. And I do have a lot of Ohio readers, so Ohio knows who I am on the web.

But to have someone recognize me just when I was out and about and then to take the time to stand and tell me about looking forward to reading some new fiction that I've written, or about anticipating the next wacky thing that I'll talk about on the blog just blew me away.

I guess it was a good idea of Alan's to put my picture on the blog. [he's from Australia]

And I wouldn't have done it if Estrella hadn't made me into pop art. [she's from Romania]

And I wouldn't have started blogging in the first place if it wasn't for Sir. [he's from Virginia]

And if I hadn't started blogging I wouldn't have met all of you wondrous guys either. [you know where you're from]

But it's really cool to know that folks in my near neck of the woods appreciate me as well.

And I found that out because Dave took the time to rush up to me in a store and tell me he likes my work and that he thinks that I'm funny.

It was very cool to be recognized like that.

Surreal, but cool.

And so I just wanted to say thanks and that you made my day Dave. [he's from Ohio]

Three seasons, no waiting

My daughter took me out for my birthday yesterday. We went to lunch and then on to the Botanical Gardens. We love a good adventure and yesterday our adventure began before we even got inside the glass house. If you've never tried to find a parking space in Wade Oval on a Sunday when the Art Museum is having an event, the Natural History Museum is having an event and the weather is so gorgeous that every person in Cleveland decided to go enjoy the green space for a while you haven't lived. We had a parking space safari. I lost count of how many times my daughter yelled "Oh! There's a space! No…..fire hydrant." We got pretty giddy after circling the same three blocks for half an hour. As a matter of fact the parking space quest seemed so much like a driving video game that after a while I started driving on the sidewalk and taking out mailboxes and pedestrians just to pick up extra bonus points.

We finally found a space that was just outside the Botanical Gardens and I managed to parallel park my giant vehicle in it [with all bumpers and paint intact] even though a wee tiny car had just vacated the spot.

The glass house is even more spectacular now than it was a few years ago when I saw it last. The plants have matured and they have added to the varieties of things fluttering, creeping, flying and hopping around from limb to limb. The sheer number and beauty of the variety of blooming plants was astonishing. We walked in and were blown away. Both levels are filled with plants and animals indigenous to Costa Rica. The variety of butterflies alone was mesmerizing. There were places where there were giant SWARMS of butterflies flitting from plant to plant. I was surprised afterwards that my tongue didn't get sunburned from wandering around gawking at everything with my mouth open.

Standing there in the heat and humidity looking at all the blooms and butterflies was like having a big dose of summer tonic poured into my soul.

When we got done exploring the glass house we came back downstairs to get cool and have a snack. There was a room next to the snack bar with an exhibit of fancy floral arrangements. It was a competition of some sort and the entries ranged from artsy and interesting to just "interesting." We enjoyed looking at them, but the best part was the discreet little black and white sign that was on each and every plinth with the arrangements. It said "Please do not touch."

So of course, I had to pretend that I was going to touch the very first one. After that Rachel then announced as we stopped at each arrangement "Please do not touch"…….this might be a "you had to be there" moment, but trust me at the time it was pretty funny. So was standing in front of the potted trees that were placed around the room and "critiquing" their flow and form as though they were also in the competition. [see the "you might have had to be there" statement again]

Then we went outside and wandered the gardens. It was a gorgeous warm fall day complete with fall color, a swarming ant hill that we marveled at and Rachel videotaped, lots of fat squirrels gathering fall nuts and meandering paths full of fall leaves on the ground that crunched under our feet. Bliss. I took a gorgeous red maple leaf to press in a book for a souvenir of the day.

After we wandered around and saw everything that there was to see outside we exited the gardens via the gift shop.

In the gift shop it was Christmas. And I don't mean that they had a few Christmas items, I mean it was CHRISTMAS! Kind of over the top, the mad hatter came in for the day and helped us decorate we love Christmas and all its sparkly glittery glory, CHRISTMAS!

So in the space of three hours I got a huge dose of summer, a lovely fall adventure and a taste of winter to come.

Three seasons, no waiting……..what a lovely day.
[thanks baby]

 

 

 

Laughing out loud

Anybody who knows me knows that I LOVE to laugh. I walk around with a giant smile on my face pretty much 24/8.

[24/8 is a discworld thing, simply accept it and roll with me minions I'm still high on life here]

I just got back from an event that had me grinning, guffawing, shaking my tush to some awesome music and people watching like crazy.

Four of my all time favorite things…..…well, of the things that can be done in public.

There's an energy generated from a performer opening himself up to a crowd of onlookers that doesn't happen in any other aspect of life.

And when you're ten feet from the stage and the performers are encouraging audience participation it doesn't get a whole lot sweeter.

A willing crowd, talented performers and a great space to entertain in, what could be better?

I only saw two acts because I was running behind after rescuing a damsel in distress [a story for a different day] and under my coat I was soaked to the skin and only keeping my teeth from chattering because I was laughing so much.

Because, oh yeah, did I mention that it was raining like Noah was building an ark today?

My hair was flat and I looked like a drowned rat and I still had a great time……

Mostly because the electricity the performers generated in the audience was palpable….these guys had the crowd in the palms of their hands.

When I hit the lower level entrance to the Detroit Superior Bridge Brian Gardner was on stage. He sings, he dances, he has a little patter, he has stunning backup dancers he calls Divas…. and oh yeah, he has BREAK AWAY PANTS……. About two seconds into my entrance his pants came off and then the fun really began. He bumps, he grinds, he walks on his hands. He jokes offhand about those dreams where you dream you're at work in your underwear….. it was such fun. Like Vegas, only free and in Cleveland. [and no tigers]

Then Aaron Bonk took the stage. Aaron if you remember is the fire eating, stilt walking juggler that I met in the park the other day.

Aaron demonstrated that his knives were actually sharp by slicing an orange in half and then he proceeded to juggle multiple balls, knives, a bowling ball and bean bags. He went on to perform several death defying feats, some requiring a helmet.

AND THEN………..

He worked with CHILDREN, and everybody knows that the first rule in show business is never work with animals or children, but Aaron pulled it off, no problem and they each only upstaged him a little bit.

After that he asked for a volunteer from the audience. When a sacrificial lamb was proffered to him he used a bull whip to separate the head of a rose from the stem while the rose was in the guy's mouth. Not kidding. In a volunteer's mouth. And the guy stood there calmly while it happened.

[I'll have to ask him if this was a set up]

Then he finished up his act with a passing of the hat and collected some booty and some promise of booty for later cause I SAW the hat and there were at least two thongs in the collection.

I walked the rest of the bridge and saw some of the amazing artwork that was displayed and got to talk to a few other folks.

I really hope the Bridge Project takes off and this space becomes a recognized, frequent [and funded] place for performers to showcase their talent.

It was a horrid weather day, the place isn't a cake walk to get to and there were STILL hundreds of people enjoying the food, the ambiance and the performers.

Hopefully lots of people give the city feedback and they drum up corporate sponsors to get this space funded so these local performers can make a living doing what they do best.

Making people smile.

Or in my case, laugh out loud.

A link to other folks yammering and tweeting about #bridgeproject