Brilliant confetti
discards
of arms
reaching to the
spun candy
clouds
Breathtakingly vibrant
when
carelessly littered
on
glistening wet shelves
Forsaking
life
to beautifully nourish
the
ever hungry
earth
"Bless me Father for I have sinned. It's been ten months since my last confession. I'm here today because I shot my neighbor's dog. I feel bad about killing it, but it had to be done."
"Go on my son."
"The dog bit my daughter almost a year ago. But the bastard who owned it refused to put up a fence or keep it inside or even chain it up when he let it out to do its business. He maintained that his dog had a right to roam free. And since he had powerful backers at city hall and throughout the community I had no recourse. Then yesterday I came home with my daughter, our gate was open to let the car through, she jumped out of the car and the dog charged her and mauled her. I had to shoot the dog. I've just come from the hospital. She survived the surgery, but the doctors say she'll never have a normal face."
"I'm so sorry for your daughter my son, the Lord forgives you, say ten Hai...."
The silencer screwed to the end of the gun did an excellent job. One father's revenge upon another hardly made a ripple in the still night air of the church. The priest fell backward in the confessional. The absolved peered through the shattered screen to make sure of his work.
"I hope the Lord forgives you, Father. I never will. I'll say my Hail Mary's but not for killing you, for killing the dog. He was just a dumb animal. You were supposed to be a man of compassion, a man who cared for others.
You should have bought the fence, you arrogant bastard."
Yesterday I put up a new bare bones story. RIGHT after I put it up I sent a couple of emails with the subject line
WARNING: what you are about to read is a giant understatement.
Then all the body of the email said was:
I put up a new bare bones story. It might be a bit of a departure for me.
The story I was referring to is titled The Island and it's basically the kind of stuff one would read in True Romance Magazine if one actually read True Romance Magazine. I don't have anything against romance as a genre. As a matter of fact some of my best friends write romance.
[you know who you are…..just give the crowd a little finger wave and let me get on with it]
And I CAN write romance, I even have a sample of a romance story I wrote for a writing exercise in my portfolio. I just don't like to. Mostly because when I print it to proofread it the saccharine gums up my printer and then leaks out all over my shoes.
But I will post my sample so you can see what I mean by romance.
Hana reined Fancy in on the top of the hill so she could admire the view and gather her thoughts. Fancy pawed the frozen ground and tossed her head. Her breath was visible in the crisp morning air.
Wood smoke from the houses below drifted lazily up and added to the pine scent of the trees.
The sun was a weak sliver behind low moving clouds; even so, the vista was breathtaking.
This was home. Her home, the land she loved. The town, the rolling hills, the preserved woodlands. There were trees here that her great great grandfather had planted with his own hands. The lumber for their house and barns came from their own mills.
Pride raised gooseflesh on Hana's arms under her thick riding jacket. She breathed deeply and caught a familiar scent. Tony must have been wearing her coat this week, it smelled of him. A boy smell, horse, gunpowder, shaving soap; even though there was no more hair on her little brother's chin than on her own.
Hana smiled. It was nice to have everyone at home for the holiday. And, she admitted to herself the best part was Ronnie. He had sent a letter saying that he would arrive today. Hana had been so antsy when she woke up that she had saddled Fancy immediately after breakfast and gone out to ride away her jitters.
She was worried that she'd throw herself into Ronnie's arms as soon as she saw him. She didn't want to reveal too much in case his feelings for her had changed. It had been six months since she'd seen him. A lot can happen when a man is away that long.
After drinking in the last of the view, she urged Fancy into a fast gallop and rushed head long into her destiny. Fancy needed little encouragement and Hana gave her her head. The wind teased the ribbon out of her long pale hair and it streamed out behind Hana in perfect mimicry of Fancy's flowing tail.
Soon they were home. There was a car just rounding the curve in the drive.
Hana handed Fancy off to Gerald the groom. She stood on the drive, holding her breath, her chest tight, waiting for the car door to open.
The door opened, Ronnie stepped out. He gazed at her. A blazing smile broke over his features. She released her breath. Her chest and throat flooded with warmth. He opened his arms and Hana walked into them. This was home too. This was where she belonged.
Ok, hopefully now you know what I mean by Romance. Something Meryl Streep could read in a breathy voice for the book on tape. Something that has horses in a beautiful setting populated by beautiful rich people with only that one pesky major issue to overcome. And by god it WILL be overcome and all tied up with a pretty ribbon and a happy ending by the end of the book.
And I can write that. I'd just rather write characters with more layers. More gray areas. More going on in their life than just getting their heart's desire, winning their father's approval or mending their relationship with a long lost love.
Not that those themes are bad. Some of the best books ever written have had those themes.
But, again, I'd rather have someone different to sink my teeth into. Someone sassier, someone with spunk, someone who bounces back from adversity. Someone who has a healthy realistic outlook toward love and sex.
I like writing a main character who is older, wiser, more sure of herself and who makes life choices based both on her head and her heart.
But what's funny is the young adult novel I'm writing could easily be read by Meryl.
So maybe it will be categorized young adult/romance if there is such a thing.
And what's funnier still is I have to keep reminding myself of the age of the target young adult audience as I'm writing it and then edit the steamier sex scenes.
You know, the ones in the woods with the pale moonlight and the horses…….
This story was generated from Ashley Awesome's random list of : magma, dusty, library, juice, blue man group, mushroom forest, ancient Egypt, the queen of England
The Island
I used to believe in the fairy tale romance. The happy ever after ending. But not anymore. Too many of my love affairs have ended in flames. And time after time as I sat ruminating in the hot lava and cooling magma of my hopes and dreams of true love I would vow never again to allow my heart to be turned to broken shards.
Three months ago I decided to buck the system and leave the dating pool. I decided I would turn myself to ice. I would be above it all. I would be like the Queen of England and surround myself with doting subjects so I could be FOR the people, but not need to be OF the people. I would wrap my dusty heart in a cocoon of independence and show the world that this chick didn't need anything from anybody. She could roam the world free and be perfectly content.
So at the ripe old age of seventeen I hung up my lips.
I became stone, an island.
Now I spend my Saturday nights in the library researching mushroom forests and fairy rings.
It's very rewarding.
And I'm learning a lot.
I just wish I could learn to be catlike. I read that in ancient Egypt they worshipped cats. Cat worship actually looks like fun. And it gives you a role model to aspire to. Cats are aloof and independent and they don't need you for anything other than to open the can of tuna that they desire, but they'll never thank you for doing it.
If I could just get to that feline perspective when it comes to love. The take it or leave it attitude that cats have.
But who am I kidding?
I'm a puppy. I like to have my belly rubbed. I like to be petted. I like to give and receive unconditional love and I want to jump up and lick my puppy friends on the face or anywhere else my fancy desires. I want warmth. I want that intangible something that when you feel it you know it.
You feel the juice connecting you to another being and you're jazzed.
When you lay outside on a blanket with a new boyfriend and connect the dots on his arms with a pen, or make a wish with one of his stray eyelashes.
The rush of warmth when he tenderly pushes a lock of hair out of your eyes.
The flutter in your tummy when he looks at you and licks his lips just before he kisses you.
I want all that crap dammit.
And I don't understand how to get it.
Maybe I just pick the wrong guys.
Or maybe it doesn't come til later in life.
Or maybe it doesn't exist. Maybe it's an illusion, a slight of hand trick that the universe plays on us to keep us trying so the human race doesn't die off.
I sat there on my cold hard chair in the nearly empty library thinking these thoughts.
That love doesn't exist.
That romance is dead.
That good things only happen in hokey movies.
That all romance writers should die fiery deaths of horrible agony.
A single tear plopped onto the page in front of me.
"Are you ok?"
I looked up into the warm blue eyes of Jeremy. My best friend since second grade. He handed me a tissue and sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me tight to his side.
"I've been worried about you Cal, you haven't been yourself lately."
I blew my nose loudly and said nothing.
"I um, that is, I mean to say….."
I looked at Jeremy and saw that he was flushed and sweating. His hair was matted onto his forehead and I could see the pulse point in his temple throbbing.
I wondered why the heck my normally animated talkative friend was so tongue tied.
Then I had a jolt of fear.
What if something was wrong with Jeremy?
"Jeremy? Are you all right? You don't look good and you're stammering and sweating. Is everything all right at home?"
"Yeah, fine. Just fine. It's just that well….um…."
He dug around in his pocket for a minute and came up with an envelope. It was creased and bedraggled and had the initials BMG scrawled in his familiar handwriting in blue felt tip across the face.
"I wanted to ask you something."
He squirmed around in his chair for a bit and then pulled away from me.
He stood up, paced around a minute and then came back and sat down.
"Cal, I know I'm not handsome and slick like the guys you usually date, and I know that what I'm about to do might wreck our friendship, but Cal, I have to do it cause I'm crazy about you and what I wanted to ask you is will you go to the blue man group with me tonight? I've had the tickets for a month but was too scared to ask you. So Cal, will you? Will you go?"
"You mean like a date?"
"Yes, I mean like a date. With hand holding and maybe a kiss goodnight at the end. Like that. Like a date like that."
I looked at my friend.
I looked into his warm hopeful eyes.
I looked at his trembling hands as they crushed the envelope with the tickets.
"Jeremy, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
His eyes welled, he looked down at his hands, his hopes dashed, his dreams shattered.
I reached out with a trembling hand and tenderly lifted his chin so I could look at his sweet familiar face.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard because I'm going to kiss you right now. You don't have to wait til we say goodnight."
As he smiled a blazing smile, brushed the hair out of my eyes, licked his lips and leaned in to meet my kiss a tiny voice in my head said
"Well, ok, maybe some of the romance writers can live another day."
Today Miscellaneous Yammering is pleased, proud and somewhat schizophrenically presenting the lovely and talented, always smiling, very funny and extremely leggy Karen Schindler for your amusement.
Karen is a magical creature who spends her days writing and her nights healing trees and little woodland creatures in the forests surrounding her tiny cottage near the lake.
We'll have to wait a minute or two until the birds finish dressing her and then we'll get started with Ten Questions Tuesday.
MY: Good morning Karen, thank you for taking the time to come in and answer the questions provided by your minions.
K: Oh, you know me, anything for the fans, and besides I LOVE to talk about myself. Yammer yammer yammer, that's me. And the EGO, don't even get me started….
MY: Well then today should be a piece of cake for you. I really like the cape you're wearing, what's it made of?
K: That would be Peruvian mink oil. It's very rare. And in its natural form quite poisonous. But I have some monks in an undisclosed location who press it over and over until all the oil is actually gone, then they inject the oil essence into some cotton wool and dye it dark blue and weave it into clothing for me. I only wear blue or green. It makes life simpler. I'm a simple girl at heart. And I like to live simply. That's why I never wear underwear.
MY: Good to know. [wonders what the heck she's gotten herself into] Let's get started then with
TEN QUESTIONS FOR KAREN SCHINDLER
Estrella asks: What's your earliest memory?
K: Hi Estrella, well, I remember this long tunnel with a bright light, then watching this really long interesting movie, then a long tunnel with a bright light again and everything started over. Every time I think about it I get a feeling of déjà vous.
Lauren asks: What is the weirdest thing that you have thrown from a car window?
K: Hi Lauren, that would be belly button lint. Not my belly button lint of course, you need some tummy hair to capture belly button lint. It would have been a male partner's belly button lint. I threw it out the window right after it got caught on the tip of my tongue.
Lauren asks: What is the weirdest combination of things that you have ever eaten?
[wow, you can almost SEE the guy with the censor button sweating]
K: That would be oatmeal and cold spinach. Oh, no wait it would be crickets and chocolate. The cricket was dipped in chocolate and I ate it for extra credit in Biology. [sticks tongue delicately out at censor]
Maria asks: What do you typically like to do on a rainy day?
K: Hi Maria, well that depends on how hard it's raining. If it's a light rain I like to walk in it. If it's thunder and lightning type rain, I like to sit in a window with a cup of tea and watch it, if it's dreary days and days on end type of rain I like to either curl up in bed with a good book or a warm man.
Estrella asks: What's your favorite secret ingredient to cook with?
K: Well, I actually have three. Lemon pepper, dill, and my pinkie finger. One gives zip, one gives bite, and one gives sweetness to whatever I stir. [grins at the camera and the light goes 'ting' off of her pearly whites]
Maria asks: What was the last thing that you did that you never thought you would?
K: Without naming names, I guess it would be breaking off the ill fated affair I had with the ruler of a city in a parallel dimension. He was really really hot. And VERY bendy, but after a while his ministers pestering him every freakin day to spend more time ruling the city and less time swinging from the chandelier in his boardroom with me….well, it just got tiresome….
Maria asks: Do you think it is a good idea to share with a new lover stories of your past lovers?
K: Maria honey? Were you paying attention during the last answer? But seriously, I don't like to talk about past lovers. Usually what I do is just give someone I'm interested in bedding some of the erotica I've written…….it saves me from having to draw all of those pesky diagrams.
Estrella asks: What is the worst lie you've ever told?
K: No Officer, that is not my rocket launcher.
Maria asks: You have signed on to direct a romantic comedy. Who are your stars?
K: Wow, Maria, that's a great question and it almost made my head explode with possibilities. Well, for the sake of argument we'll say that I have an unlimited budget and a great script. We'll also pretend that I have the gene that allows me to direct. So the cast I would assemble would be Tom Hanks, Will Smith, Steve Martin, Paulo Costanzo, Taye Diggs, Tom Cavanaugh, Bonnie Hunt and Ellen DeGeneres. Bonnie would be a strong independent straight woman and Ellen would be her strong independent gay next door neighbor. Both would have a constant stream of admirers banging on their doors. That's as far as I got cause I got stuck in a loop when I realized that I could ask the male cast to show up naked for a steam room scene.
And finally,
Maria asks: If you had a job interview and were asked "If you were an animal, what kind of animal, other than human, would you be and why?" How would you answer that question?
K: With a power point presentation featuring the photos from the last full moon.
MY: Well Karen, that was certainly interesting, and we learned a lot about you today. At this time I'd like to present you with this lovely banner that your fans made you covered in sparkly hearts. For some reason I have a pounding headache, do you happen to have some aspirin?
K: Here. Take two. Wait! Don't take the blue one. Thanks for having me here today, it was fun. And thanks to all of the fans who showed up wearing their tiaras to wave their Miscellaneous Yammering rally towels at me as my helicopter arrived. I was just so touched.
