Friday, April 16, 2010

I always try to wake up before I get to that part……flash fiction

I was dancing last night and backed into this hard looking biker chick. She poked me with a finger and said:

"Watch yourself stretch; I'm your worst nightmare."

I nodded politely and went back to dancing. I decided to cut her some slack and not take her outside and hang her from a light pole by her thong. After all, if she's my worst nightmare she must have a pretty hard life.

Every time I have that nightmare I wake up feeling queasy. It's probably because of the way the big pink thing with all of the spiky tentacles dances to the Flock of Seagulls tribute band. Or it could be the zombie strippers, but I think that what I hate most of all are the damn talking unicorns.

When they get drunk and decide to do karaoke ………the way they move their lips just freaks me out.

48 comments:

Gracie said...

Aaagh... that dream would totally freak me out, too.

But I would pay to see unicorns singing karaoke.

And the Flock of Seagulls tribute band is a nightmare all by itself.

Good one. Made me giggle.

Rachel said...

Shun the non-believer, shun, shuuunnnnnnn!

Don't let them steal your kidney.

Laurita said...

Whoa! I'd stop going to that bar if it's where your worst nightmare hangs out. Especially that nightmare. Being a spiky tentacled thing has got to be rough though.

I'd say thanks for the chuckle, but it was more like thanks for the loud guffaw.

John McDonnell said...

That's some nightmare. . . or is it the reality? Can't get that image out of my head of the pink thing with tentacles dancing to the Flock of Seagulls tribute band. Aaaaargh! Good job.

Eric J. Krause said...

Good stuff. Love all the nightmare images. And they do seem to be the makings of pretty brutal nightmares!

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Eric. I was JUST coming to tell you that I finally worked a unicorn into a story.
:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

I wish I could draw John. I would have included a picture.
Glad you enjoyed my little piece of nonsense.
:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Laurita,
Girl...you are just so easy. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. If I ever do stand up...you're going to have a reserved seat front row center.
Hugs!

Karen from Mentor said...

Rachel honey,
If I hadn't suddenly realized that you were referring to that HORRIBLE video with the kidney stealing unicorns that you made me sit through....*shudders* .... I would have wondered if you were on drugs....

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Gracie
YES! I trolled my mind to find the most nightmarish tribute band I could think of....thank you for noticing...

The problem with that though? I'm suffering from Shot Self in Foot Syndrome. "I Ran" is now stuck in my head.

[Oh the horror! The horror!]

Marisa Birns said...

Oh, I love little unicorns! And they sing, too?

And what are you...I mean...the character doing in such a crazy bar anyway?

Hanging a biker chick by her thong on a light pole is something I've seen many times.

Ok. maybe once.

Ok. Never.

But I'd want to...

Karen from Mentor said...

Go check your email. I just sent you a photo. In the caption...the part where it says "unidentified assailant?"...that was me.

To paraphrase Popeye...Sometimes I can stands so much then I can't stands no more.

:0)

V.R. Leavitt said...

Holy cow, this was beautifully quirky and original. Love it! And boy...I hate it when that happens too. :-)

And thanks for your kind words for "Dandelions." Much appreciated.

estrella05azul said...

:) This tickled my funny bone, and I would be freaked out by singing unicorns too!
Although... could be a nice change to all the really scary stuff I dream :P

Karen from Mentor said...

Estrella feel free to take this nightmare for your very own. Just PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...don't look at the zombie strippers too close. If you do? You'll never shut your eyes again.

Happy to have tickled you.

Karen from Mentor said...

@ VR Leavitt,

"Dandelions" was the first piece I've read of your work. It was GORGEOUS. I can't wait to see more from you in weeks to come.

Thanks for stopping by with a "quirky and original" in your pocket.

*looks pleased*

Laura Eno said...

*raises hand for email photo*

Wouldn't zombie strippers leave...parts...as they disrobed? Must make for a messy stage clean-up.

I agree that unicorns singing karaoke isn't a pretty sight, but yodeling giraffes are ten times worse. Trust me. *shudder*

Karen from Mentor said...

"Wouldn't zombie strippers leave...parts...as they disrobed?"

YES!!!!!!!!!!! aaarrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
That's why I never look too closely.
[once was enough]

The idea of yodeling giraffes made me giggle.... all that room in there to work up vibrato...especially if they're EVIL giraffes like in that Eddie Izzard clip I sent you.
:0)

Alan W. Davidson said...

At "Bad Movie Night" last night we watched a movie about zombies...and strippers...gory, yet hilarious. Luckily, I didn't have nightmares. Sweet dreams stretch.

Anne Tyler Lord said...

I was just thinking the same thing as Laura - all those pieces - ewww!

Those darn unicorns - and when I see them singing it is always in falsetto - screeching like the chipmunks - definite nightmare.

I love your freaky imagination!

Karen from Mentor said...

Thank you Anne. My freaky imagination serves me well. Especially in the.....well...nevermind.
[grins at you]

Karen from Mentor said...

Alan I SWEAR I once saw a video title that had the words Bikini and Zombie in it. I'm wondering if that was the flick you saw last night.

Title please?

J. M. Strother said...

I love it, as usual. You are the queen of quirky humor. Always a great read. I really love the image of stringing up a biker gal by her thong.
~jon

Alan W. Davidson said...

He, he, he...I love to keep you in suspense. I'll post about it later...

Michelle said...

Ffffreaky!! well done :)

Kris said...

Wow - zombie strippers, spiky tentacles, talking unicorns... You sure put the traditional "discovering you've shown up at school naked" dream seem pretty lame!

Cathy Olliffe said...

Freaks me out, too!

PJ said...

Very story, Karen. Strange that I actually had a nightmare last night. I'll swap out mine for your talking unicorns. Not sure about zombie strippers - I don't think I would like that ;-)

PJ said...

Lol - I meant very cute story. Darn iPad!

Carrie said...

Great menagerie of weird Karen.

jane, candid said...

Karen, looks like you might need to cut back on the spicy food right before bed? :-)

Karen from Mentor said...

Oh, now see Jane? A sensible suggestion. I can always count on you to steer the course.
:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

@ PJ,
Could you use your nightmare for writing fodder? Was it really dark and icky?
Did you dream you were watching "Where are they now?" on VH-1? Cuz that can be *shudders* a real nightmare.

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Alan, read your post. Scared of your post. Ran away from your post.
[thanks for the shout out]

:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Jon,
That's just because you don't know about my secret identity and think I would do it the old fashioned way....

No! I would use my "Turbo Girl" super powers and it would be a snap to hang that chick up by her thong.
Well, unless she was going commando, then I'd have to rethink it. Lucky I also have the power to stop time til I come up with a plan.

[That's why last Tuesday seemed to go on FOREVER--- sorry.]

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Michelle and Cathy,

Thanks guys. Anytime you need to be freaked out, come on in and have a walkabout.
I validate parking, so you can stay as long as you want.
:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

GAH! I knew I left something out while writing the dream Kris!

Karen from Mentor said...

Oh Oh Oh!! Carrie...menagerie of weird...why did I not think of that when I was naming my website?

It would also be a great name for a short story collection. *wheels whirling in head*

Thanks for stopping in.
:0)

Paul D. Brazill said...

very well done!

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Paul,
I appreciate you taking the time to come in and comment. Lovely to see you.
:0)

ganymeder said...

You have quite the knack for the freaky! :)

Well done. The unicorns made me shudder. *brrrr*

John Wiswell said...

I hate zombie strippers. You tell them to take it all off, and they take it way too far.

Very amusing use of extremes here, Karen. Hanging her by her thong, dancing tentacles - funny, out-there stuff.

Karen from Mentor said...

YOU think it's out there John?
*looks impressed with self*
Thanks.
:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

LOL ganymeder,
Was the *brrr* intentional? I mean was I supposed to hear it in my head as the sound that a horse [or a unicorn] would make?

Cause that just tickled me pink. Drunk, Scary Unicorns are so underrated.

:0)

mazzz in Leeds said...

Okay, this proves my point that karaoke shouldn't be allowed - even unicorns are crap at it!!

Karen from Mentor said...

"Feelings" should be banned at least. Oh and anything by Sinatra. Unicorns should NOT sing Sinatra. And drunk businessmen in a hotel restaurant where we were all snowed in......none of them should have sung Sinatra either....
[but that was a different kind of nightmare]

Yamabuki said...

Deep in Mountains Dark
We still see fine
Like bats and ghosts

Roaming shadow trails
Was this a cave
Or the back of a night club

Not really sure though
Unicorn was ready to go
I still have more of us
To round up properly
We’re all spread out

I need to find everyone
Yunicorn won’t go on
Without us

We’re primitive you say
Point of view
We view History
Different than you
Inside the cave

Then we’re all here
Making music
Yunicorn comes in low
Low and glowing

No lyrics I ever heard
Never been heard before
This music of fiery hooves
Lashing the night

Nightclub beat
Flashing Unicorn eyes
We heat the dancers

The six of us
In Coltrane madness
Yunicore Unicorn
Lighting the way

Yamabuki

Karen from Mentor said...

Just admit Yamabuki it, you always wanted to write a poem about drunk unicorns.

*karen-making dreams come true day after day*