Friday, July 30, 2010

Killer invitation…….Flash Fiction

He had the handwriting of a psychopath. That should have tipped me off right there. Looking back, there were other, smaller things. Your instead of you're, never capitalizing i, some rather sophomoric humor. But when you're instant messaging with someone, you make allowances. It's fast and furious; sometimes the fingers can't keep up with the brain.

When the invitation to meet came with those beautiful roses, I couldn't resist, even though part of me worried about how he knew where I worked.

This gobsmacked frozen moment in time is the reward I get for not paying attention to the signposts as they waved frantically at me from the online highway.

I'm so glad now that I didn't send the photo of me wearing that lacy black teddy. I felt myself flush head to toe at the idea. Looking at his earnest face as he sat clutching a carnation, the twin of the one in my hand, I knew it would have been the death knell of me and my career, and may have killed him as well.

I finally convinced my feet to carry me across the room to his table. I didn't sit down; I broke both the good and bad news to him as gently as possible and then fled with as much dignity as I could muster.

The bad news is I'll be blocking him from my email account. The good news is he got a B+ on the algebra quiz on Friday.


39 comments:

Rachel said...

Haha, aww poor kid.

shannon said...

Ooooh no! LOL. Very well executed. I'm sure this is playing out in real life somewhere right now. :-)

Sulci Collective said...

Nice twist, was she his teacher? That notion cranked it up in my brain even more, but I may have got it terribly wrong!

Great first line by the way. A 'killer' one in fact!

marc nash

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Marc. I love that first line.
Yes, she was his teacher. But I haven't decided if he knew who she was the whole time and targeted her, or if it was just a happy [for him] cyberspace coincidence. It works either way.

Glad it pleased and puzzled you.

But you may only have been puzzled because you're reading #fridayflash under your desk with a flashlight right now...

*grins at you*

Karen from Mentor said...

Me too Shannon. Right now all over the world...the hopeful expression...followed by the brutal crushing.
so sad.

You're mostly sad that he didn't get an A though aren't you Rachel?

Thanks for stopping in to comment my lovelies.
Very much appreciated.
:0)

pegjet said...

At the end I said to myself, wait... what? Then I raced to the top and reread it carefully.

The killer ending got me both times. LOVED THIS!

Jen Brubacher said...

Erk! What a splash of cold water for poor teacher. Great story.

Laura Eno said...

The crush on the teacher in the cyber-age. Yes, the teddy would have been a disaster...although, he could have blackmailed the photo for an A. :)

ganymeder said...

OMG, That was priceless!

Lyn Thorne-Alder said...

*giggle* I love it. What a pleasantly not-dark ending to something that starts out foreboding. Beautiful!

Gracie said...

Rich, Miss Karen, very rich. Boy, did she ever dodge a bullet.

This story spools out like silk... with a steel fish hook at the end. *applause*

Love, love, love it!

vandamir said...

Fabulous! You set us up for a scary ending - and I guess for the narrator, it was very scary. LOL!

Helen Ginger said...

That was cute. You set it up well. I thought he was going to turn out to be a serial killer.

Straight From Hel

Karen from Mentor said...

I'm toying with the idea of writing the same story, but dark for next week Helen. That would be a fun challenge.

It was a scary ending for her vandamir. But not as scary as if she'd acted on her impulse to send the photo as a thank you for the flowers. [why do people do that kind of thing?]

Wheee! Glad you liked it Cathy.

Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment. *Big Smile*

Karen from Mentor said...

"This story spools out like silk... with a steel fish hook at the end."

Gracie, I want you to do all my book jacket blurbs.

Thank you my sweet!
:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

@ peg,jen and lyn ... Thank you so much guys. You made my day.

It was fun to group all the three letter gals together.

You should go for coffee later. It's on me. And I'll even spring for pie.

Two pieces each.

*Big Hugs!*

alisonwells said...

I laughed! Great set up, classic last line. Really enjoyable, great writing.

Karen from Mentor said...

Laura you have an evil mind.
I like that about you.

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks alison! It was a fun little thing to put together. When I put it up, I didn't expect any suspense to hold up past the first paragraph.

But that's probably because I told myself the ending ahead of time.
:0)

netta said...

HILARIOUS. I just spewed Pepsi out my nasal cavity. I so owe you for that.

Brilliant. Heh.

G.P. Ching said...

AAAAH! SO funny. You never know who is one the other side of the keyboard! Well done Karen!

Karen from Mentor said...

GP? That almost sounds like the voice of experience. Anything you'd like to share?

Netta I'm so sorry about the pepsi. That really stings. I'd offer to pay for your dry cleaning, but since we initiated #NationalNakedErrandDay earlier I'm pretty sure just a quick shower will take care of it.

Thanks for stopping in with a well done and a brilliant in your pockets ladies.
[well not in YOUR pocket obviously Netta...cuz there's the whole no pants issue...but you know what I mean...]

Big hugs!

Eric J. Krause said...

Wow, she certainly did dodge a bullet by not sending the picture of her in a black teddy. That was a great last line (to go along with the rest of the excellent story)!

Dani H said...

Such a surprise ending! FABulous! You sooo had us going in the psychopath/stalker direction! Especially liked the "good news" of his B+. Really nice touch to a really topical piece! A very fun piece! Thank you.

Monica Marier said...

BWA-HA-HA-HA!!! Great twist. I'm still laughing at the first line. My husband has the handwriting of a serial killer–I've often told him so. : )

Alan W. Davidson said...

Now that was a fun story with a great little twist at the end. Thats funny because my hands cant keep up with my brain when i type either. I rely on the kindness of my friends with an editors eye to find the mistakes for me.

*grins at you*

Karen from Mentor said...

Hey marquee vs marquis is not something that spell check is going to find for you Alan...
*grins back at you*

And just fyi, when I read cards and letters from friends, even if they have the handwriting of a psychopath, I leave my editor's eye in the jar on the bathroom sink.

Thank you for stopping in to comment.
k :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Eric, Dani and Monica, Thank you all so much for taking the time to comment and tell me that you really enjoyed both the first and last lines.

I had the first line hanging around for a week or so, and I almost changed it to "serial killer" when I started writing the rest of it Monica...that would have been hilarious, you would have gotten to look suspiciously at your husband and ask him what he got up to in 10th grade with his teacher.

Then yesterday, just for fun, I tried writing the piece as horror, but it didn't want to pour itself into that mold. It came out as a bizarro story. And it's even sillier. um...way sillier.

Looking forward to revealing it.
Bwahahahahahaha....

Thanks for stopping in guys. Much appreciated.
:0)

Linda said...

Ah, this was a twisted tale! Loved the opening line (and worried these really are symptoms of a psychopathic mind!). Loved the title, too. Peace...

Lou Freshwater said...

Ha! Loved this. I was right there in the narrator's head. Well done.

brainhaze said...

Brilliant - pure genius. Short, powerful and funny - what more do you need? poor boy lol

daniellelapaglia said...

OMG Karen I actually burst out laughing, startling my poor boyfriend on the couch. :) Excellent job!

sueperfluous said...

Love it! Great beginning building up expectations, then brilliant twist at the end.

Mari said...

Hahaha, fantastic! You totally caught me on the ending. Glad that she didn't send the black dress picture too. :D

antisocialbutterflie said...

Haha. That's great. I really liked the twist. Great job.

KjM said...

As has been said, a killer first line. But the finale tops it. So much hope and possibility being dashed and shattered against reality.

How you manage to pack so much is so little remains a wonder.

Really well done.

Karen from Mentor said...

Thank you all for the GREAT comments.

I really appreciate you taking the time to come in and laugh with me.

This was a bunch of fun to write. I really feel for both of the characters, but I think in the long run she'll be able to look back and laugh about it sooner than he will.

Poor little guy.
:0)

mazzz in Leeds said...

SO cute!! Awwwwww

Heh, by the middle I thought maybe it was going to be her boss, rather than her "employee"

Tomara Armstrong said...

hahahaha. Awesome! The last line is killer. You have me all giggly. I love this.

~2