Thursday, September 30, 2010

Staking a wild claim……..Flash Fiction

Tommy thought he was a vampire. The kids in the neighborhood just thought he was a weirdo. The word the grown ups used was delusional. Then one day his kid brother found him face down on the ground near the back of their garage. He'd landed on a wooden rake. The general consensus of the gang of kids standing around rubber necking was that he'd been trying to fly and had misjudged his ability to turn into a bat. The coroner came and took the body away.

I knew I'd have to leave town before they opened Tommy up for the autopsy. They were going to wonder how all that garlic got in his mouth and up his nose. I'd been hoping the sun would destroy my handiwork, but wouldn't you know it, a cloudy day had dawned.

39 comments:

Kil Conor said...

It would have been the perfect crime, if not for you meddling kids. Magnificent flash Karen.

Mary said...

Too good! What a mind you've got.
Mary

shannon said...

Who is calling who delusional??? This reminded me of Peter Pan meets Lost Boys :-)

John Wiswell said...

Damned kids. I wouldn't put it past them to shove garlic into the nose of a polite vampire.

Laura Eno said...

Yeah, the garlic would be hard to explain... ;)

Karen from Mentor said...

It'll also be hard to explain the explosion when the body is cremated Laura.
Those damn vampires can make such a fuss when they're ask to leave this verdant ball we call earth.

afullnessinbrevity said...

This is a dark and twisted Scooby Doo tale. So awesome in such few words.
Adam B @revhappiness

Karen from Mentor said...

You guys rock. Thanks for taking the time to comment. Really enjoying the scooby doo references.

*BIG smiles*

placebythefire said...

Heh, love the way you've covered a whole story in so few words. Well written.

Mike Robertson said...

Poor kid. Victim of a cloudy day. Nice one Karen!

Deanna Schrayer said...

Oh. My. God. This is simply outstanding work Karen. Chilling.

A.J. Campos said...

It's good to be back on your blog, Karen.

Those darn cloudy days always get in my way too!

KjM said...

"Staking a wild claim..." ouch, ouch, ouch.

Wonderful - dark - fun in this, Karen. Love the practical tone of the main character's voice. I'm guessing the general consensus wasn't accurate.

Well done.

Steve Green said...

A quite enjoyable micro-flash, evidently he wasn't the only one who thought he was a vampire.

I don't know if it was your aim, but I read this as 'tongue in cheek' humour. :)

Karen from Mentor said...

I'm grinning here Steve. Pretty much the only time my tongue isn't in my cheek is when I'm kissing.

Depending on the mood of the reader, this tale can be really dark, or it can lean more toward fun and wickedly twisted. Whatever works for you is fine with me. I write them, I let the reader's imagination do the rest.

But just between you and me....I can tell you that the narrator has a dark dark back story....
[cue the rolling thunder]
:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Kevin I loved your reaction to the title.
I did a little jig when I thought of it.

*looks gleeful*

And yes, there's more to this story than the casual teen rubbernecker may have deduced.

Alan W. Davidson said...

Damn those evil clouds! Nice turn of events in the second paragraph.

Karen from Mentor said...

I really appreciate everybody taking the time to come in to say such nice things and leave a footprint.

It was good to see you AJ. One little thing though... wipe your feet next time buddy... You left entrails all over my entryway and I just mopped the floor...

Karen from Mentor said...

Alan you snuck in there while I was commenting.

The sun is often an unwitting accomplice to the dark arts, the government just hushes it up.

Gracie said...

I'm going for the twisted humor take. Delicious black humor here with such a matter-of-fact voice.

You see, this is what happens when kids read Twilight without parental supervision. :)

Great story, Karen.

vandamir said...

Hehe! I enjoyed this piece; it leaves many unanswered questions and I never see that as a bad thing. :)

Karen from Mentor said...

I like stories that leave room for interpretation, but I don't often write them. I tend to tie things up in a pretty bow at the end. This was fun for me. It was like writing poetry....only with a bloody garden rake and a corpse. Which *checks to make sure*...nope I haven't done yet in a poem.

Karen from Mentor said...

Yes leaving kids to their own devices can sometimes be less than ideal Gracie.

Writers too.... But that's a different story. Most of our scary influences take place in our own heads.

Bwahahahahahaha....*erp*... sorry. The maniacal laughter just bubbles out now and again, like hiccups.

Sam said...

LMAO!!! This is priceless. I'll be chuckling about this story for ages.

ganymeder said...

Short and Awesome.

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Cathy. Funny to see that phrase here...you just described this guy I went out with for a while right after high school...

Karen from Mentor said...

*grinning at Sam* so happy that your ass got a work out this morning....

[that sounded MUCH better in my head]

a.m.harte said...

I raced through this, then re-read the title and chuckled to myself. A very tightly written story!

Rachel Blackbirdsong said...

Poor Tommy, dang those kids and dang those clouds. A perfect story Karen.

brainhaze said...

Perfect - great work. I cant say more than that. Genius

Lou Freshwater said...

Suppose it's my own twistedness, but I was left thinking the poor kid wasn't a vampire and this was a Salem witch kind of story. Whatever the case, it was a good read!

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks guys! Always a pleasure to see so many lovely shining faces. Really appreciate you each taking the time to comment.

I'm itching to spill the beans Lou, but as you said depending on the reader, regardless of my original intent, the beans can be wide scattered. Love your take on it.

melissalwebb said...

Awesome story. :) I love your short and sweet approch.

Laurita said...

How did I miss this on Friday? Hilarious and oh so clever in that Karen S way. I had to laugh at the garlic stuffed up his nose.

Crystal said...

Oh my gosh, whoever mentioned Scooby Doo first was spot on! How fun!

A. S. Boudreau said...

Laughing out loud here. Whimsical and yet chilling as well. I loved it!

Bryan Borland said...

All this talk of garlic makes me want to make some spaghetti and meatballs. And Karen, I meant nothing sexual by this comment!!!

Karen from Mentor said...

...laughing... well, while I have some doubts that you meant nothing sexual by that comment Bryan, I will entertain the possibility that (A)You believe what you just stated and (B)A universe exists where it is true....

Glad you popped in.
*hugs Bryan*

Karen from Mentor said...

*waves* @ Melissa, Crystal and Ms. Boudreau...Thanks for stopping in!

And Laurita? I think you missed this on Friday because of the alien abduction. Don't worry, the swiss cheese memory effect goes away after a few weeks...but unfortunately then you wake up screaming in the night a lot more...