Monday, November 8, 2010

Idiots aplenty, idiots galore……

A friend just emailed me that someone won 123 million dollars but hasn't come forward to claim it because the lottery ticket was purchased in an adult store.

The idea of that gives rise to so many questions….

I think I'd claim the prize in costume [masked] and ask the lottery commission not to release my name.

On the flip side….

If this is someone who might be in the market for amour…..claiming the giant check IN THE STORE in front of a bunch of jiggly leather things and posting the photo on the web could conceivably attract the kind of companion they might be looking for..... [they'd be broke in a month....and probably dead...but the corpse would be smiling]

21 comments:

Karen from Mentor said...

Editor's note: Once I posted this piece I reread it and changed the line "if this is a guy..." to "If this is someone..." because in my experience idiocy has no definitive gender.

Alan W. Davidson said...

41 mil to cover the embarassment.
41 mil to cover the shame.
41 mil to cover the pointing and snickering...

Yeah, that about adds up.

Karen from Mentor said...

Hmmmm....do I detect a smidge of first hand knowledge there Alan?

And if so....could you possibly see your way clear to loaning me half a mil?

Gracie said...

I think I could bet over that trepidation for that kind of salad. :)

I'm chuckling with you.

John Wiswell said...

How do we know they won't come forward because it was purchased in an adult store? Sure you can track the winning ticket to the winning machine, but to get the actual motive of the hesitant winner, you'd need to talk to him/her. If he/she is talking, then he/she is exposed already, so what's to keep him/her from claiming vast wealth?

Sounds fishy to me.

Cat Connor said...

LMAO, just LMAO

Karen from Mentor said...

...Laughing...just for you John, I did some actual research as opposed to just giving my comedic opionion on hearsay.

The Michigan tv stations are reporting that the powerball ticket was purchased at an adult bookstore located in a chain with a strip club and a barber shop. And that the winning amount was actually a little over 128 million. If the person [who has not as of yet spoken to the media] takes the lump sum they'll get 69.6 million.

I think that would offset any embarrassment as to where one purchased the ticket, but it still might get them into hot water with their spouse if they have one. Depends on how the news is presented I guess....

My guess is the person hasn't come forward yet because they're still passed out in somebody's bushes after the bachelor or bachelorette party....

Or...even better....someone who was WITH the person who bought the ticket--and who was captured mugging for the security camera-- has now been missing for three days and is destined to eventually turn up in a shallow grave in the woods....

Wouldn't that be a bitch? Wasting all that effort killing someone with a shovel when all you had to do was wait for your ticket to hit and then buy them off? Life is funny that way sometimes.

Karen from Mentor said...

Yes, "that kind of salad" Gracie.... man. I agree. Imagine all the good that could be done with that kind of money.

*daydreams for a minute*

I could bribe my neighbors into picking up after their dogs

Karen from Mentor said...

*waves at Cat*

This just tickled the heck out of me.
Thanks for stopping in luv.

Helen Ginger said...

I don't care where I was when I bought the ticket. I would turn that sucker in, grin for the camera, and race skipping and singing into the sunset!

Karen from Mentor said...

Me too Helen!
And heck for that kind of money I could rent some sycophants who would actually LISTEN to me sing.

Jodi MacArthur said...

Your words are perfectly summed up by the title. First off, I had no idea you could buy lottery tickets at adult stores. More than one way to get lucky! This is hilarious, Karen. Thanks for the laugh!

Karen from Mentor said...

Everyone should know by now that you don't leave a paper trail at an adult store. Pay with cash, don't make eye contact with the other patrons and scurry out looking panicked if your ninth grade English tutor comes in to innocently buy some pretty stockings for halloween.

John Wiswell said...

Please give me back my shovel.

Laura Eno said...

I think I'd say I only ran in there to buy the ticket... ;)

Karen from Mentor said...

...and to borrow John's shovel....

Laura Eno said...

You actually gave an answer of passed out in somebody's bush? You did mean the double entendre, did you not? ;)

Karen from Mentor said...

*holds the page up so Laura can see it better*

I actually said bushes...as in shrubbery. But hey, I don't judge-- what you do in your own back yard is strictly between you and the local wildlife.

Laura Eno said...

Bushes would only imply two...er, partners.

*watches a cute bunny hop by from the bush*

Kris said...

Thanks for giving me some ideas on how to claim my lottery money while remaining anonymous! Now my friends and family don't have to find out!

Karen from Mentor said...

The bad thing is that some communities don't allow anonymous winners.[I found this out during my foray into lottery research for John] That seems dumb. Maybe when you win you could just slip the paperwork guy a $50 to spell your name wrong. Tell him it's pronounced Kris, but spelled ThroatwarblerMangrove...