Thursday, December 30, 2010

Compromised ……………..Flash Fiction

It's amazing how adaptable the human mind is. Take the light in my kitchen for example. I've been in need of a bulb for months, but couldn't get out to get one, so I got used to the gloom. I can now cook almost by feel. And the dizziness, well, after a while, you get used to that too. Blood loss'll do that to you, complaining isn't going to get me anywhere, so why run my mouth about it? And the smell, that musty cupboard under the basement staircase smell, there wasn't anything he could do about it, so why kvetch? But I tell you what, I'm NEVER going to get used to walking into the bathroom and finding him there, wrapped snugly in his wings, hanging by his knees from the shower curtain rod and snoring.

Maybe when I finally get out to buy that light bulb I can get some of those no-snore strips too. It's going to be that, or a stake through the heart. A girl can only take so much.

38 comments:

Laurita said...

Hmmm. I guess sleeping upside down does make snoring that much worse. Stuff some garlic cloves in his nostrils. That'll learn him.

Karen from Mentor said...

It's that soft palate thing that vampires have Laurita, well, that and an oft overlarge uvula...

Karen from Mentor said...

oh gawds. I just checked to make sure I spelled uvula right and found out that there are people who PIERCE their uvula.

*There are NOT enough shudders in the world right now*

Milo James Fowler said...

But think of it this way: now you have material for your next tale. =]

(And this one rocked, by the way.)

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Milo.
*Big Smile*

Mary Vaughn said...

Not much of a vampire fan but this was very good!

Cathy Webster (Olliffe) said...

What women put up with. Me, I'd be gone just because of the musty smell. (GACK)
Does she at least check the floor under him for pocket change?

Karen from Mentor said...

That's a great visual Cathy. I like the idea of the bathroom floor littered with coins. And I'm closing my mind firmly to imagining anything else that would be in his pockets....

Karen from Mentor said...

In truth Mary, Vampires actually freak me out....laughing...but this guy just had a cameo role, so it was ok.
Thanks for stopping in.
:0)

KjM said...

Just hangin' whi' ma peeps, yo!

I tell you this right now, he can hang where the hell he likes - but the bathroom is OFF limits while I'm there.

So, how do you think he'll like his stake? :-}

This one was fun. I like the no-nonsense, practical characters you create, Karen

John Wiswell said...

I can vouch for a stake through the heart. Every time a girl has pounded one into my chest, I have ceased to receive complaints of my snoring.

daniellelapaglia said...

We always have to give in to something, but sometimes we just snap, whether he's living or undead.

Alan W. Davidson said...

Such a vivid tale. I'm always jealous of the way you blend your humour and your horror in these compact tales. I'm wondering if he has any complaints about you?

Karen from Mentor said...

Hee Alan, although it was not my intention to make you green with envy, funnily enough when queried, the male of this couple said that his only complaint is that he'd like his lady to stick with black crushed velvet underwire lingerie, since it's more traditional, but she often adds splashes of color to her boudoir wardrobe.

Personally? I don't see what his issue is, nighties that are that transparent rip the same no matter what color they are...

Karen from Mentor said...

So true, Danielle. Hopefully he does something about the snoring before she snaps.

A stake through the heart can realy spoil the drape of one's evening jacket.

Karen from Mentor said...

Huh John, while writing this tale I never even considered that it would afford you an opportunity to come in and just casually mention that you've slept with lots and lots of women. Go figure.



[oh man, that was fun]

Karen from Mentor said...

*waves* at Kevin and goes off to vampire proof her bathroom....


[since I know you're coming I'll also bake a cake]

Deanna Schrayer said...

HA! It's the snoring that just Makes this Karen. Fantabulous fun!

Steve Green said...

Gave me a chuckle did this Karen, that poor girl has a lot to put up with, but on the bright side, he won't be stealing the duvet in the middle of the night. :D

estrella05azul said...

That's a valid point I guess, a girl can only take so much ;)
Wonderful Karen, I couldn't stop laughing for the longest time after reading your flash!

estrella05azul said...

Also, here's wishing you and your family an insightful, inspired Happy New Year!

Karen from Mentor said...

Aw,thanks so much my sweet Estrella. So far the new year has been pretty good.
[still in my jammies, but smiling a lot]

Happy 2011!!

:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Oh absolutely Steve. Separate sleeping quarters have most probably prolonged his unlife. Had he been a snorer and a cover stealer I think that the stake would have been a foregone conclusion.

Karen from Mentor said...

Hee. Thanks Deanna. Happy New Year to you and yours.
*smooch*

Daniel W. Powell said...

Happy New Year, Karen! Here's to many great returns in 2011...

Julie (Okami) said...

LOL - when I first started reading this I didn't even catch the Friday Flash in the title, I thought that you had injured yourself.

Ton of info in so few words, very well done.

Karen from Mentor said...

*giggling* Oh man Julie that delighted the heck out of me. I re-read the story with the idea of the piece being me telling an IRL story of being trapped in the house with an injury and that scenerio didn't derail until I got to "And the smell" ...then ...well, pretty much you have to insert that needle scraping against the record sound and regroup.

Thanks for the giggle.
*smooch*

Karen from Mentor said...

Happy New Year Daniel. I'm looking forward to seeing all of your writing successes in the coming months. 2010 was certainly a productive year for you.

Thanks eversomuch for stopping in to help ring in the new year.
:0)

Laura Eno said...

At least he isn't hanging in your bedroom closet, drooling blood on your clothes...that's worth something, isn't it?

Karen from Mentor said...

True Laura, but the only reason is because the ceiling in the closet is too low.

[he's tall, dark and vampsome]

jim bronyaur said...

Short, potent, and fun. I love the snoring bit. :)

Jim Bronayaur
http://jimbronyaur.com/?p=582 (my #fridayflash this week)

flyingscribbler said...

I was in Sydney once; in the botanical gardens there, hundreds of flying foxes roost all day in the trees over the cafe. That's what i'm thinking of now: did one of them get bored and look for a new home? I love the matter of fact way this vampire bride deals with the practicalities of low blood sugar and low level lighting!

Helen Ginger said...

Love, love this. So clever and fun!

Marisa Birns said...

My friend Margaret has underwear drying on her shower curtain rod. I asked her once why she just doesn't dry them in the dryer and she said there were too many things stored there.

I wonder if that's where her vampire snoozes?

Ah, well.

Loved this. Made me smile, chortle, guffaw, and laugh aloud. :)))

J. M. Strother said...

Go for the stake. Guys never change.

Very amusing, Karen. Loved it.
~jon

Mari said...

I'm with Jon, the stake it is. heh

Happy New Year, with lots of blood! (inside your bloodstream, mind ;P)

Adam B said...

So very funny. Gave me a good laugh.
Adam B @revhappiness

ganymeder said...

Oh, that's just priceless.