Friday, August 12, 2011

Whiskey voice…........... Flash Fiction


Snakes, writhing around on the floor; seen only out of the corner of my eye. I know it's just lack of sleep. I haven't slept in what seems like weeks and the paranoia is setting in. If only the walls would stay in one place. And the refrigerator would stop singing karaoke. Or at least would stop singing Copacabana… and if my head would just stop the damn pounding…. if any one of those things would happen I know I could lie down and get some blessed shut eye.

"Where'd you get this one?" Arc asked Bixton12.

"He was in the cold and flu aisle of a place called 'Walgreens'--why do you ask?"

"I think we may have gone a bit overboard," he answered as he wiped a smudge from the observation glass with his tentacle, "he seems somewhat disoriented."

"It was probably the snakes, I know you like them, but well, the reaction can be unpredictable…."

"At least I didn't make them jump out of the peanut can this time, I do learn from my mistakes." Arc said, a wry smile twisting his beak a bit to the left.

Aw damn, here comes another sneezing jag. I hate the sneezing. Although if I could sneeze my fool head off maybe I could put it in another room and then get some sleep. Man, where did that thought come from? I must be delirious or something, maybe I should call an ambulance….

"Oh dear, he's thinking of calling for help. Well, I guess it's now or never, I thought we'd have at least another twenty four hours.." Arc said as he fiddled with a knob on the control panel.

A section of wall slid to the side and a humanoid of the female style dressed in what they had come to understand was standard care giving costume for this century stepped into the viewing room, startling the test subject. He backed away, but the "nurse" soothed him and got him situated on the couch telling him she was there to help and if he'd just let her take a throat culture she was sure he'd feel better in a short time.

Ok, now I'm sure I'm delirious. When Jessica Rabbit dressed as a porn star nurse makes a section of your wall slide away and comes in to hover over you with a smile, well, it's pretty apparent that Elvis has left the building and your mind has gone awandering with him…. Wait….What the hell is she doing with that hose? Aargh, argh….arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


"This is all you harvested?" Nizar said with a sneer, waving the small sealed vial under their beaks.

"Yes sir, you know that we've found that if we keep the subject after they've decided they need medical intervention the secretions go bad and are worthless to the true connoisseur."

"Well blast and balls, Arc, this is barely enough to even offer on the black market. You're going to have to do better next time."

His gaze traveled to the cowering Bixton12, pinning him to the wall with laser precision. Nizar turned on his talons and stalked out of the lab, leaving an incinerated Bixton12 in his wake. Nizar believed in raising the bar through fear and intimidation. Plus he hadn't had lunch yet and he was cranky. Arc would do better next time he was sure.

Nizar was starting to regret this whole business. He thought he might go back to peddling rhinoceros horn to the limp dicked bastards out there clamoring for phlegm. He didn't know how the idea of phlegm being sexy had caught on anyway. Must be something they'd seen on television….




 

30 comments:

Eric J. Krause said...

Probably best he thinks he's simply losing his mind. Yes, much better for him. Good one!

j said...

Your mind is a wonderful things. :-)

Raven Corinn Carluk said...

At least it was Jessica Rabbit, and not a tentacle beast.

Karen from Mentor said...

Yes Raven, I hate it when a tentacle beast shows me its cleavage.

*shudder*

Karen from Mentor said...

@j I bet you say that to all the girls.

[thanks for stopping in babe. xxoo]

Karen from Mentor said...

Hee @Eric -- I just wonder what'll happen when he wakes up in his own bed back in Buffalo, NY -- will there be any lasting repercussions?

*makes a note for a sequel*

lovely to see you, sir.
:0)

Marisa Birns said...

Knew there was an answer to "Why do we have phelm?" Now why is the sky blue?

Anyway, no matter the species, it always comes back to limpness, eh...

Love that you wrote this, even while the flu germs were playing around with your brain.

Too hot for chicken soup, sweetie. Gazpacho?

PJ said...

Ha - you should write while sick more often ;-) kidding - get better soon - aliens or no.

Carrie Clevenger said...

LOL I'm so glad you're back.

Karen from Mentor said...

me too Carrie, otherwise instead of writing this and getting it out of my system, I'd have to have had it as a dream.... and that could lead to sleepwalking, which could lead to being arrested... [they like you to wear clothes out of doors here]

*smooch*

Karen from Mentor said...

oh man PJ, I'd welcome an alien with a vacuum hose right about now.
[it's not pretty in karenland today]

thanks for stopping in sweetie.

Karen from Mentor said...

@marisa
*holds up spoon and reaches for a bowl*

[marisa loves me]

*happy sigh*

Laura Eno said...

I just sent you a cabana boy with steamed towels for a rubdown...perhaps you should take something at night so you don't dream too... :)

Karen from Mentor said...

hee. you're a pal mz eno. between your gift and marisa's I'll be right as rain in no time.

I did have an epic dream this week -certainly caused by my fluish state of mind - it was a cross between a 60's spy adventure spoof and a scooby do episode.

[I enjoy the HECK out of my subconscious]

John Wiswell said...

Snakes in a peanut can remain one of the worst pick-ups, Karen. I know they seem great in theory, but empirical research has born them out.

Deanna Schrayer said...

Oh boy did you capture the feeling of flu magically Karen! So sorry to hear it was due to experience, but glad we got such great entertainment out of it...sorry? Hope you're feeling better!

Daniel W. Powell said...

Loved it! Great to see you back at it (and I think there's more to be frightened of by JR hovering above one's face than any tentacled beastie--flat out weird and surreal and creepy!)....

Karen from Mentor said...

...says the man who lets zombies eat people on a regular basis....

hee hee hee

*giggling, just giggling*

[thanks for stopping in Daniel]

Karen from Mentor said...

Starting to feel a LOT better Deanna. I have a weirder sick experience from February...it still hasn't made it into fiction, but man it showed up in a lot of email inboxes letmetellyou.

Glad you enjoyed it. Was a bit worried when I posted it that no one would think phlegm was funny.

*holds arms to heaven--proclaims in a booming voice:

"Thanks be to the universe I have found my people"*

Karen from Mentor said...

You know john, I can actually see you doing that-- buy a woman a drink in a bar...offer her a can of peanuts...snakes jump out and well....hilarity would ensue....but I doubt you'd get much [can't find a politically correct word] so I'll just leave it at that.

you crack me up.
:0)

KjM said...

*sequel*, *sequel*, *sequel*

Glad to read you're on the mend, Karen - although...if this is delirium-inspired nonsense, count me in for a double-helping (of the nonsense, I mean, I get my delirium my own ways) :)

Great fun

Karen from Mentor said...

note to self:
don't eat kevin's brownies...

:0)

J. M. Strother said...

OK, think we best get you some soup like pronto - sending a tanker truck now.
~jon

estrella05azul said...

Your mind works wonders even when it has the flu ;-)

Aidan Fritz said...

Gorgeous humor. I like the way you showed us both the alien/future perspective and the poor specimen.

Karen from Mentor said...

I think all in all the poor specimen got the better part of the deal. He's less phlegmy, AND he has a good water cooler story for Monday morning.

Karen from Mentor said...

*smooches Estrella*

[don't worry, I'm wearing a surgical mask]

Karen from Mentor said...

oh THAT's what that thing is parked on my lawn jon....

*puts down the rocket launcher and gets bowl instead*

bsain said...

This is your brain on flu? AWESOME!

Karen from Mentor said...

*hugs becky*

I've been wearing my "awesome" jammy shirt all week becky, so that's probably why.... mostly wrote this cuz j wanted something new. And what j wants....

[I just hope she never asks me to rob a bank with her - not cuz I wouldn't do it- I can just picture getting the heel of one of my kick ass evil supervillian boots caught in my cape as we run away. But we'd look awesome in our mug shots.....]