Thursday, March 25, 2010

Lucky Larry --- flash fiction

Lucky Larry loved the ladies. A lot. And they loved him right back. When he came into a room sliding those snake thin hips through the air like a shark's fin just visible in the water, all female heads turned. They could sense that something was off, but gravitated to him anyway. Della sat at the bar, the bait in the trap, martini in hand, and watched his progress through hooded lids. She knew he'd make his way to her eventually, since to Larry's way of thinking she was the primest piece in the room and that wasn't opinion, it was fact. A lot of work had gone into the look she sported this evening. Her mission was clear, the higher ups had been adamant about what needed to be done. Della knew her part and she would play it with skill and determination. Larry's luck was about to change, he just didn't know it yet.

Larry spotted the babe at the bar. She had legs to her neck and a rack that didn't quit. Out of habit he fingered, fondled and patted the other doxies in the room as he made his way to what was clearly now his ultimate objective.

Della put a hand to his chest and stopped him before he ground into her. She'd seen the vids of Larry operating. He wasn't subtle, and she didn't want to wind up grappling with him in public.

"Hello gorgeous, I'd buy you a drink, but I see you already have one. I've got some champagne in my room, the good stuff. Why don't we blow this two bit dump and go where we can be cozy?"

Della sipped her drink, put it on the bar and slid slowly from the barstool. Larry was nearly drooling as he followed her to the elevator. Della kept him at arm's length throughout the trip to his floor, then grabbed him by the lapel and pulled him down the hall. He fumbled the door open and ushered Della inside pulling his jacket and shirt off on the way to the bed.

"Eager aren't you baby? Well, you won't be disappointed. Larry has what you want."

"You said a mouthful Larry, I'm sure that I'll come away satisfied."

When Larry lunged at her she sidestepped and injected him with the knock out drops artfully concealed in her ring. When his head thumped on the floor the connecting door burst open and the team came in with a portable operating table. Larry was stripped and scanned. Two extractions were made. Della waited until he was comfortably arranged back on the bed and added some lipstick to his navel and nipple areas.

As she signed the evidence bag containing the invasion plans that Larry had unknowingly brought back from Mars Prime, she said to the tech:

"I almost feel sorry for the little slimeball. I tried to talk the chief into leaving the chip that made him attractive to women, but no go. Now that his usefulness has run its course, poor Larry will find that he repulses women, just as nature intended. Too bad the creep never actually hooked up with a woman who didn't work for the agency. How sad is that? A thirty year old gigolo, celibate for eight years without even knowing it."

31 comments:

Marisa Birns said...

This is fantastic! I was reading along and couldn't imagine what was in store for Lucky Larry!

Who now will probably go by the moniker Schmucky Larry.

Love the detail of lipstick to his navel and nipple areas, and also to his...no, it seems that's all she marked.

Loved it!

Cathy Olliffe said...

Feeling a bit sorry for poor old Larry...but boy, you sure painted a funny picture, Karen.
Eight year, though?
Cruel. Very, very cruel.

Iapetus999 said...

Wait--so every time he thought he "scored" he was really having some kind of procedure?

Hmmm...

Cecilia Dominic said...

LOL! Poor Larry. Sounds like he never knew what hit him -- or what he hit -- in a number of ways. ;)

Cecilia

Anton Gully said...

Yeah, why'd he need a chip if he was only scoring with Martians?

In my experience, when an irresistible hunk walks into the room women will start fighting over me, uh, I mean him. Giving Larry the chip would make it harder for the agents to single him out.

Neat idea overall though.

Laurita said...

Hmm, I was wondering why Lucky Larry was so attractive at the beginning. This was not the answer I was expecting. It was much better. I love the places your imagination takes us.

佩怡 said...

nice to know you ~........................................

Kris said...

I've always wondered why it sometimes seems like women are attracted to guys who should repulse them. Nice to know that there's a medical reason behind it.

Karen from Mentor said...

Ah poor poor Anton. I never realized that this story might fiddle with your self image. I'm sure that your irrisistibleness has nothing to do with Larry's.

The Martian powers that be implanted Larry with a woman magnetizing chip to fool him and the authorities. If he seemed irrisistable to women even as repulsive as he was, then there would be no wondering why beautiful women would take him to their hotel rooms as he traveled the galaxy-an unwitting mule for the Martian high command.

A few years back when the CIA got suspicious Larry came close to scoring with an undercover human cop, but then she vomited and came to her senses.

Karen from Mentor said...

Della ALMOST put lipstick on Larry's mouth Marisa, but then she thought, naw.....he'd never believe it.

[that's what you meant right?...*tiptoes quietly away*....]

Laura Eno said...

Poor Larry...couldn't they have given him a chip that made him a babe magnet in his own mind at least?
Great twist, Karen!

Marisa Birns said...

Sure. Yes. That's what I meant. Lipstick on Larry's mouth. Color would clash with what he wasn't wearing, though.

mazzz in Leeds said...

Poor Larry - I hope he can console himself with memories of having once been a babe magnet... false memories though they might be :)

peggy said...

"sliding those snake thin hips through the air like a shark's fin just visible in the water, all female heads turned"

That was a fantastic image. I immediately saw an unattractive guy with... aplomb? I read that one a couple times, and knew this story was going somewhere... off.

Enjoyed every word. Sigh, poor Anto--I mean Larry.

Weezel said...

Very imaginative story!

AJ Campos said...

That's so wrong Karen! Why did you have to play Larry like that? You could have given the sleazeball at least one victory! Shame on you; )

Eric J. Krause said...

Funny stuff! Poor Larry. At least he thinks he had a good run.

Sulci Collective said...

Shark fin, snake hips and hooded lids - just loved the predatory imagery of your first paragraph as the two hunters circle round one another looking to strike.

marc nash

~Tim said...

From the first few lines I've been hearing in my head, "Fins to the left, fins to the right..."

Hmmm, I may have just figured out Jimmy Buffett's appeal!

Karen from Mentor said...

I didn't actually know that song Tim so I found it on [of course] youtube. The weird thing? It's sung to the same tune as cheeseburger in paradise.

But the crowd didn't seem to mind.

Jimmy appeals to women? Really? huh. Yeah, must be aliens.

Karen from Mentor said...

I had the opening for about a week Marc before Della told me the rest of the story. Glad you enjoyed that bit, it was my favorite part.
:0)

Karen from Mentor said...

I know eight years was excessive Cathy, but that was what made it sooooooo fun.
[chuckles evilly]

I'll talk to the higher ups Laura, maybe they can operate just ONE MORE TIME. But....do we really want to foist Larry on even unsuspecting fantasy women? [shudder]

And AJ? Apparently not.
[see evil chuckling and reason for same above]
I LOVED your story today. I laughed and laughed.

Thanks for stopping in guys and taking the time to comment.
:0)

shannon esposito said...

LOL..."two extractions were made" whew! Larry should be glad that didn't go where I thought it was going! Poor guy, though. You're cruel with the keyboard, girly.

Just had to pop in and see what illness does to your snazzy brain. Me likes!

Sam said...

I feel kinda sorry for Larry...but only for a moment! ;)

estrella05azul said...

Oh honey, this was fun, even though I feel a bit sorry for Larry now... Enjoyed this a lot!!!

Anne Tyler Lord said...

Whoa, that story was twistedly funny! I see everyone feels bad for Larry, but if he didn't know how bad he had it, maybe he will just keep trying. Aliens can be so cruel!

netta said...

Well, this sure explains a lot, like husband #1 and boyfriend #3. I'm convinced they had the same chip. Thank the gods THAT mystery is solved.

I'd love to hear more about his misadventures. It seems to me Larry has a lot of stories to tell. Heh.

Very fun piece. :)

John Wiswell said...

Hey, I was amused. Especially by the lipstick. I realize what you meant by applying it, to make it seem like he'd been kissed there and whatnot, but I imagined drawing lipstick bullseyes on him.

And eight years of unknown celibacy ain't so bad when you factor in a lack of child support.

Karen from Mentor said...

I can just see the bullseyes John. Aaargh...but now you made me picture Larry in the altogether.....

ganymeder said...

I'm confused why he needed the chip if only operatives hooked up with him anyway. Maybe to make it more plausible that he would be found attractive? Anyway, nice twist. Well done.

Karen from Mentor said...

You hit the nail right on the head ganymeder. See my explanation to Anton in the comment thread about the chip.

And Larry's scoreless record wasn't for lack of trying on his part. He just couldn't find a woman with a strong enough stomach I guess.

Thanks for stopping in!

:0)