Monday, November 30, 2009

Now I’ve seen everything [twice]

A couple of weeks ago a prescription drug to grow longer eyelashes started showing up in commercials on tv. You read that right. A prescription drug to grow longer eyelashes.

Oh, and the possible side effects that are announced while showing film of long lustrous eyelashes are:

Increased hair growth in other areas of the face, redness, itching, swelling, bacterial keratitis from the product itself or a contaminated applicator, darkening of the eyelid skin [possibly reversible] increase in the brown pigmentation of the eye [probably permanent] and changes in the internal pressure of the eye.

That's all. Just those little niggly minor side effects.

But won't it be worth it to have longer eyelashes? I mean it's not like there's ANY OTHER WAY to get longer lashes…….apparently all the mascara and false eyelashes in the world have disappeared into the ether and this is the only way to have eyelashes that will make you the envy of anyone who gazes upon your glamorous puss.

But the killer thing? This isn't the strangest beauty campaign that I heard about this month.

The next thing that I'm going to invite you to consider with me is not the product itself, but the commercial and advertising campaign for the product.

The product is a cleanser designed for daily use to remove dirt and makeup from the face.

If you notice that the music introducing the commercial is from I LOVE LUCY there will be no doubt in your mind that a lot of people in the fifties saw this particular campaign.
[here's the video]

In the commercial the cleansing properties of the product are demonstrated by putting radioactive dirt on a model's face and verifying the dirt with a Geiger counter.

[I'll wait while you read that part again]

Then the announcer calmly states that they tested the leading facial cleanser, complexion soap and Dorothy Gray Cold cream to cleanse the model's face of radioactive dirt and the cold cream worked two and a half times better than the other leading products.

The commercial doesn't say that the radiation no longer registered on the Geiger counter. They just left any details of residual radiation out completely.

So of course after seeing these two things together my mind wove a little time travel fantasy.

What if the model who had already been exposed to radiation showed up in our time plane?

What if she wanted to grow longer eyelashes?

What if the eyelash prescription went ballistic when exposed to radiation?

We could have a model running around out there with really itchy dark brown eyes that bulge from her overly hairy face who can suddenly shoot laser beams out of her eyes at will.

But the sad reality of that scenario would probably be that as soon as she shot the lasers her twelve foot long eyelashes would catch fire.


The things we do for beauty.


Anonymous said...

You people are crazy.

Oh and don't get me started on permanent eyeliner and tattooed eyebrows.

Karen from Mentor said...

We'll let the "you people" go this time
[he's in NaNo let down guys, give him a break]

I'm really low maintenance... mascara and chapstick and I'm good to go... so I don't really understand the whole spend half your paycheck on cosmetics thing....let alone risking your health for "beauty."

But I do really enjoy the visual of a super hero or super villian emerging from the meshing of radiation and beauty products.

Anonymous said...

As one who is surrounded by family members with ridiculously long, thick lashes, I was intrigued by that commercial. I never noticed all the warnings you gave, just the idea of permanent brown spots in my green eyes was enough to turn me off.

And I've never seen the other commercial, which sounds horrific, but I liked the way your mind put the two together and flew with it.

Karen from Mentor said...

Having your green eyes become suddenly brown would be startling when you saw yourself in the mirror to say the least.

The longest lashes I ever saw were on a boy in junior high.... and he definitely used them to the fullest extent of their female trapping potential [sans mascara]

Kris said...

For some reason I keep picturing how long a person's eyelashes would have to grow to sufficiently distract people from the nasty side effects of the eyelash prescription. I suppose if they extended, for example, about five feet from your face, then no one would be able to get close enough to view your excess facial hair and other massive blemishes.

And the radiation...

Nah. I'll just stick with my current imperfections.

Anonymous said...

"We could have a model running around out there with really itchy dark brown eyes that bulge from her overly hairy face who can suddenly shoot laser beams out of her eyes at will."

Was your mind set on giving your readers heart attacks from uncontrollable laughter? :P
Oh my, that was hilarious, though I'm not sure if the people making these commercials are in their right mind... what were they thinking indeed? =))

PS: I think you forgot to leave a space between the 21/2 it should be 2 1/2 :)

Karen from Mentor said...

I spelled it out Estrella because even with the space it still looked like twenty one and a forward slash times better....

I'm glad you enjoyed my vision of the model.

I have no idea how the "independent lab" could even get radioactive material, let alone use it to test beauty products. Maybe in that time frame radioactive material was just laying around. That reminds me of the scene in Back to the Future when Doc says to Marty "oh right I'm sure in 1985 you can get plutonium at the corner drugstore..."


Karen from Mentor said...

I like the idea of five foot lashes Kris, just imagine the elbow room you'd have around you on the bus or waiting on line at the bank.
Would be difficult for kissing though I imagine.

judy said...

Sheesh! What kind of television are you (and Linda) watching? I've never seen the commercials (TIVO, baby), but I LOVE your version. There's a little Youtube video dying to be made, KS. In your free time. ;-)

Cat Connor said...

I am speechless.

Karen from Mentor said...

If I was going to make a Youtube video Judy it would be the one I wrote YEARS ago for Rachel that we never actually filmed.

It involves a killer mole and A LOT of ketchup.


Karen from Mentor said...

Cat? Speechless?


I don't know whether to be proud,frightened or a mixture of both.