Friday, December 4, 2009

But what a way to go -- flash fiction

Brian stopped fiddling with the radio and turned on the windshield wipers as it began to drizzle. He needed to pay attention to the road and stop letting his thoughts drift to Sheila. God, Sheila. She was going to be the death of him.

He felt like a teenager again. As soon as he saw her he was hard. Hell, just thinking about her he was hard. He grinned ruefully and shook his head slightly to clear it. Everything he knew and read and that was shouted at him from the media these days said that he shouldn't be feeling like this at his age.

He was firmly in the demographic of the target audience of the little blue pills. So was Sheila. But Sheila? Man….. Sheila was something special.

He refocused on the wet pavement and drove along smiling to himself over how surprised she was going to be when he arrived a day early. Only four more hours. Four more hours and he could slide his hands around her waist and bury his nose in ……his cell phone ringing brought his focus back to the task at hand.

He fumbled for it on the passenger seat and saw with a jolt to his system that it was Sheila calling. He flipped the phone open and stuck it to his ear driving with one hand.


"Hey, I was just thinking about you."

"Are you safely sitting down in the hotel?"

"Yes" he lied.

"Oh good, because I wanted to tell you that I was just in the shower and I was thinking about something that I thought you might enjoy hearing about….." She laughed that throaty laugh that he loved. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

"What were you thinking about?"

"I was thinking about you while I ran my hands over my body slowly feeling all the curves and swells, delicately soaping my breasts, my ribs, my waist, the inside of my creamy white thighs….. thinking about you as I arched my back to the hot shower spray letting it slide over my sweet heart shaped ass…he could hear her smiling into the phone.…picture everything she was describing…see her white skin pinkening under the hot spray in his mind's eye….he tipped his head back and made a little sound….

"You still with me big fella?"

Sheila's low teasing voice was overridden by the blinding headlights and the blast of the semi's horn as Brian dropped the phone, jerked the wheel to the right and swerved back into his lane inches from the grill of the semi. He managed to control the slide and wound up on the berm of the road with his heart pounding. He swallowed hard and scrambled on the floor mat for the phone.

"Baby? Baby are you alright? What was that sound? Did you drop the phone?"

He could hear the concern in her voice.

"I'm fine honey. I just accidentally dropped the remote and the phone at the same time…. you know what kind of effect you have on me, God…all the blood ran out of my head and into my …well…..everything's fine…. I turned the tv back down, sorry for the interruption….….you were saying?"

Here's a link to this week's 54 stories at Mad Utopia


Cat Russell said...

Going to be the death of him, eh? Nice way to bring it back to the beginning. I enjoyed this. Thanks!

Laura Eno said...

I do hope he sat on the berm until the phone call was done. :) He would be too nice to kill off..did I say that?
Great story!

Marisa Birns said...

Ooh, phone sex! For the viagra crowd, heh.

Well done!

Wait. Did Laura compliment you on lettering a character STAY alive?

mazzz_in_Leeds said...

What a way to go indeed, but thankfully he didn't :)
And as you have succeeded in creating a character Laura wouldn't want to kill, well, your work here is done!

Karen from Mentor said...

I KNOW!!! Laura was happy somebody

this is a red letter day for fiction.

thanks for stopping in guys.
Karen :0)

Laura Eno said...

Ahem..I am monitoring the comments - AND taking down names.

Melissa said...

Glad he lived. I'd love to read Pt II. ;) Enjoyed it!

Karen from Mentor said...

Not that I go that route Laura, but is your hair in a bun and are you holding a ruler?

I just told a friend in an email that "the queen of body count" in our flash group was happy that I let someone live. I may never write another piece of flash...*happy sigh*

Laura Eno said...

It's in a clip and I'm holding a sword...

Anonymous said...

I loved how you took us back to the beginning where I was sure he'll die.

Anonymous said...


It's the weekend here and you're trying to educate me with new words, dammit?

John Wiswell said...

I'm also glad he lived. After the "death of him" remark, I was expecting death by driving in the rain. Thanks for not killing my dude!

Karen from Mentor said...

I laughed at "your Dude" John. If you actually know him send him my way he sounds like fun.

Karen from Mentor said...

The "berm" is the side of the road.
Hope that makes your head quit hurting.

Karen from Mentor said...

I'm glad you liked it Estrella. A big thank you to you and to Laura for tweeting my link.

Although how Laura manages to tweet OR type with that sword in her hand I'll never know....

Kris said...

When Sheila asked for an explanation of the noise she heard (i.e. the semi honking) he should have just said it was him getting horn-y.

Sorry. I've been cleaning all day, and some of the chemicals may have inadvertently mixed together.

Karen from Mentor said...

HA ! Kris that made me laugh. Did you ever see Coalminer's daughter? There's that whole scene where she uses the word horny without knowing what it means.

Go outside and get some fresh air...

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Melissa I don't think that there will be a part II or at least not a part II that I could post here...but glad you liked this one. :0)

If anybody missed it go read Melissa's flash it's fabulous!
Here's the link:

Alan said...

Heh - dangerous driving!

Deanna Schrayer said...

What a fun twist Karen! I remember that scene in Coalminer's Daughter - hilarious.
Thanks for an entertaining read, as always.

J. M. Strother said...

Very clever Karen. With that title, and that lead, the twist is that he actually DID live. Ah, but for how long? Thank God she didn't text him!

Chance said...

Nice misdirection from the title, and a cracking read

Good Stuff

Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks Chance. In my mind's eye the title came from Brian's inner thoughts when he finally got his heart back under control after narrowly escaping 18 wheeled death. :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

Oh Jon I agree! Reading texts while driving is really dangerous, especially Brian reading the things that Sheila would be apt to say.

I'm hoping Brian learned his lesson and won't even use his imagination from now on while driving, let alone the PHONE.

Thanks for stopping in.
Karen :0)

Karen from Mentor said...

@ Alan, wouldn't work on a motorcycle would it?

@ Deanna, Sissy Spacek was so clueless in that scene.

Thanks to both of you for taking the time to stop in and comment. Glad you liked it.
Karen :0)

Anonymous said...

I can see how this is presenting problems for our MC, indeed. As I read this I had a giddy little reminder of my younger days sowing wild oats on the phone with ladies long since forgotten.

Great job on this. I thought for sure he'd buy it at the end. You're a kinder writer than I. ;)

Tony Noland said...

Very nice bit. Another example of the dangers of texting, er, sexing while driving.

Karen from Mentor said...

@jdanetyler ....I like the guy. He seems like a romantic, hard to kill him off :0)

@Tony...I've actually seen that with two people in a moving car...but come to think of it I don't remember a rule forbidding sex while driving in the motor vehicle handbook. Seems like an glaring oversight lol

Andrew Rosenberg said...

Dang...I was sure something bad would happen.
Especially since my wife ran off the road last month and rolled/totaled the car (we were NOT on the phone if that's what you're thinking).

Good job!

Karen from Mentor said...

Hey Andrew,
I remember your touching ode to your poor lost car. Glad the wife was ok.

Sorry you were disappointed lol...but don't worry, before the month is up I'll be killing somebody off....

I promise. [insert ominous music]

Anonymous said...

Karen, This was a sexy little number, with quite a surprise ending! I thought for sure the horny old guy was done in!

Karen from Mentor said...

Hey Olivia,
"a sexy little number" kinda like the little black dress in the closet, love that description.

oh and "Brian" says to tell you that 50 is the new 30 lol

Thanks for stopping in.

KjM said...

Oh, you had me really worried. Don't DO that! :)

"...He was firmly in the demographic of the target audience of the little blue pills...." Wonderful phrase - it gets the point across perfectly.

I was increasingly anxious as I made my way through this story. Very well done.

Karen from Mentor said...

lol Kevin.Thank you. I love that phrase too. I'm so glad that so many people became emotionally invested in the welfare of Brian. I do know that he made it home to Sheila in one piece.

Whether or not he survived the night is anyone's guess.

Tomara Armstrong said...

Man... I was worried. What an ending!


Karen from Mentor said...

Thanks for stopping in Tomara, haven't seen you in a while! Glad you liked it.
Karen :0)